Before its too late.. (8)

I wondered through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies
And I stood at a distance
To feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes

And hold on before it's too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

And the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you dont live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it's gone

And hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are

It's all that we need in our lives

So live like you mean it
Love til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it's gone

Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
It's all that we need in our lives

It's all that I need in my life
(8)

Shocks..

My God!! Arsenal just had their un-beaten run in the Premiership by an amazing Middlesboro!!!
SNAP! =\.. I honestly did not see this coming! Ex-Arsenal Aliadere destroyed ex-club & was DEFINATELY the man of the match! ..y do these arsenal guys ALWAYS do these kinda things!?!?! Only person who hasnt upset is Anelka yet.. Lauren & Kanu did cause a prob when they came to the Emirates Stadium.. now this guy! haihh! =

Elsewhere, Derby actually scored at Old Trafford, although they got whooped 4-1.. so doesnt really count for anyting! =\.. but it is an improvement having lost to Liverpool & Arsenal with a scoreline of 6-0 & 5-0 respectively.. isnt it? Taking into consideration that Man Utd has spent a lot finance boosting their squad!

Derby manager Paul Jewell.. WHY DID YOU TAKE THE DERBY JOB?!?! Top flight has been nothing but a night-mare!! I know you did wonders for Wigan in their first appearance in the Premiership, sunk a lil lower in the 2nd season having escaped relegation on the last day, but CMON!!! DERBY?!?! & for those of you who dont know, Paul left Wigan due to his "Health" ..Derby.. seriously?!?! I can see it now.. that dood frm CSI comes out.. "Cause Of Death.. Managing Derby.. Time of Death.. when relegation was confirmed!"

All thats left is Liverpool to get knocked outta Champions League.. they were off to a horrible start.. this being the las game of their in the group stage.. both sides.. Marseille & Liverpool both have to win to secure their place.. actually Marseille can draw, being a point more than Liverpool.. so like I said.. nothing more can make me hapy at this very moment! =).. doesnt look likely.. but then again.. Arsenal losing didnt look likely either.. inshaAllah.. =D

Rusty

In Remembrance..

Whatever you do.. whoever you hang out with.. people will always remember you as the person you were when you etched their minds and hearts..

Being kids.. we always shaping up into people's expectations.. whether its your parents, extended family or your friends who always pushed you to your unimaginable potential.. if one ever breaks a connection in between their seemingly long lives.. & if you ever do get the opportunity to meet another person.. they'll always come back expecting something along the lines of what you were..

If you knew a junkie, alcoholic.. you wouldnt expect him to have 2 kids, a steady job and a loveing wife in about 5 years.. but thats mystery & joy of life.. you never know whats going to happen next, as predictable, slow & boring as it can get!

Some people's day's are a rollercoaster everyday, some people's day's are just like traffic on sheikh zayed road at peak hours everday.. and no one will ever be happy with the set up they've been "blessed" with!

Although over a period of time.. after all the different characters one met.. after a series of emotions are felt & experiences endured.. people change.. its not easy to accept or sometimes, even believe.. but its a given.. & has to be accepted unquestionably.. mostly cos this aint a disney movie and people aint going to change just because you want them to!

Except.. it aint all negative.. heh.. sometimes people just stay the exact same.. pouring cold relief on molten hot uncertainty!

I met a couple of my friends from the mosque.. and they were SUBTLY thrilled about me being the same bum! & most people in the area dont even know my name, they know me by extra curricular activity.. so they call me "Football dood" ..its a compliment innit? =\

Nice to know Ive etched a character of that sort with people.. least leaves a smile on MY face.. dont care much about the people I've beaten or fought with.. Ey! when it comes to reputations, & what people have to say behind your back.. its every man for himself trust me!

So just becareful with what you say and do with people who share different relationships with you.. people who are close to you would protect you and prolly have your back covered.. people who you neutral with, just depends on their character and what part of you you've shared with them.. people who dont like you.. well.. what they capable of.. only God knows..

I didnt say at any point in time dont be who you are.. just said.. becareful.. think your actions through & choose your words wisely!

Salams + tc
Rushdi

Loud Silence..

Theres absolutely nothing going on, and I want to say so much.. its not fair! =\

All i got are accounting jargens & am thinking about all the things I should be studying and stuff.. & i cant help but sleep for like atleast 12 hours.. sigh.. im so going to fail.. i know it.. best part is.. i dont really care!

Since I dont really have anything to talk about, I will.. for the 1st time.. *ahem*.. write about my day.. ey ey ey!! Where you going!?!? Aint gna take THAT long & I wont give you all the.. icky.. details! =p

Woke up late.. ..walked out cos I had lunch plans with a friend, supposed to go to a restaurant & write this review, so I decided to take any1 who wanted to tag along, ended up with just ONE, but still, enjoyed completely!

Took notes and stuff in the restaurant, observing, listening, like me friend would say "blah di blah".. after we were done, had the amazing "Special Coffee".. really kicks ass.. better than Starbucks even.. ya.. thats rite i said it.. you overspending bitches!! =p

Walked alot.. Karama.. to burdubai.. & back to karama.. kinda enjoyed the slow, long walk even though my back and legs were killing me. For you wise people out there.. i know the back doesnt really play apart in the "walking procedure", I was carrying my bag which had me laptop n stuff.. basically.. ow oww!!!

What waited for me at home was sis, mum & of course.. my accounts books! Dad's in SL a mix of business & pleasure.. so dont gta worry about him telling me how i should be studying and all that.. kinda enjoying not having to listen to those speeches for sometime!

Got backkk.. ummm.. watched the last ep i had left of My Wife & Kids.. basically ppl.. in the last ep.. Jay's Pregnant!! HAHAH! =D.. hope i spoilt it for some1.. although i doubt it.. =\.. but still.. HAHA! =)

Did some consolidated balance sheets for a couple of hours.. until i realized i didnt understand much.. approx 10% of the whole 10000000%.. so i stopped.. & kinda glanced at the Past Papers to get a MINUTE idea of what the Q's are like.. after having read a Q.. i just laughed my ass off.. cos there was no way i was gna get more than 5 marks if a consolidated question came.. so ive decided to just work on Cash Flow Statements, which seems MUCH more likely to come.. although still.. everythins a real gamble.. u gta study EVERYTHIN.. there is no pattern or waeva.. although im gna have to take the risk of not having studied consolidated statements AT ALL!

Its not like i wanna fail.. but i havent put much effort.. so.. =\.. i aint losing anything cept for time & money. Not that i have much of either!! Although, if u dont work hard.. you dont deserve shit innit!? Im hoping God cuts me a break.. maybe they'll gime the answer sheet with the question paper!? =p.. too much to ask for innit? yep.. i tot that was the case too! =)

Hmm.. sigh.. anyway.. Adam called.. said there was Football.. Indoor.. so i was game.. 11 to 12.. so i js did waeva until 10.. then was on the phone with sum1 who wasnt in zactly the greatest moods.. until my ride came.. hung the phone up.. Arthur drove.. with Adam in the front seat.. there were FIVE guys at the back.. YES FIVE YOUNG ADULTS.. i lost feeling in both my hands, luckily i dint need it while playing! =p

Played a very immature game.. although my team was up for holding for possession and looking for the falter in the other half.. our team was js a bunch of long balls, raw shots on goal & Adam saving our ass at the back!!

Drove back reminising about all the gud times we had in the past years with Joey & Adam.. in the summer vacations.. we'd wake up at 5 to play footy in an open area.. Adam would call me to walk me up.. id then sleep in my hall.. then he'd come & bang me door.. we'd leave.. goto Joey's place.. watch all the goal on TV.. walk out.. wake up carl & danny.. meet up with the others.. & go play footy in Eid-gha.. Gold Times! =D

We'd come back.. play poker with funny money until 5.. then go & play footy again.. until we lost all the light & the parking lot would fill up.. or some1 broke a windshield! =)

Sigh.. those were some days.. never gna get those back.. & never gna feel that way again.. o well.. got lots to look forward to innit? =\

Yallah.. salam walaikum.. tc!
peace..

Lesson Learnt..

Some of life's lessons are harsh to learn.. heck.. they hard to even accept.. it aint all straight forward.. most of the time, its just implied.. & you supposed to make the right assumptions.. here's a beautiful saying to think about.. [btw.. stole it off a friend's wall from Facebook, her Friendship Quote's..! =p.. ]

It's no good trying to keep up old friendships. It's painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it.

"W. Somerset Maugham"

Really nice if you think about it.. makes perfect sense.. anyway.. me back to cash flow statements, got an exam on the 3rd, 5th & finally the 12th.. prayers gladly accepted! =D
Peace.. salams.. tc!

Rusty

Lost Post..

Ey.. forgot to publish this.. =p.. havent written anything lately even though loads has happend.. subconcious worrying about zams which i havent really prepared for! =).. sigh.. if my bitch lecturer could only see me now.. 8-)..

4:01 AM 11/6/2007
Its weird.. Im back in Dubai.. so called home..

I flew KL to Bangkok.. stopover for a couple of hours.. then from there to Dubai straight, was about 7 hours of continuous flying.. its the longest I've ever flown.. i know for some of you that have flown to canada, states, UK and other unknown places on the edge of the map.. probably been longer but still.. this was long enough!

I actually watched movies like "No Reservations" & "Hairspray" both.. leaving a horrible taste in my mouth which even the fruit cocktail juice refused to wash away!

I dont remember much of the flight to bangkok, and the stopover wasnt the most pleasant, people were weird and had to walk an extremely LOOOOONG distance to get to my plane.

The flight to dubai was long & odd in its own way. I was paired with this Kuwaiti gentleman who found Thailand quite disturbing due to its high frequency in, as he put it "Lady Boys!" ..heck! I dont blame him! scary thought.. you checking out a chick & she happens to be a dood! =p

[ ahhhh.. just popped open a Laban Up.. CHOIYYY!! tastes gud! =D ]

Anyway, he was just telling me Thailand is one place people need not unneccessarily visit.. once is enough!

Whilst this flight there was a gentleman in traditional arab clothing , the fact that he chugged down more beers than the whole plane in all kinda disturbed me.. just mentioned that cos thats something i have never seen in my life.

Out of the 7 hours.. i spent about 3 just shaping clouds & thinking about how i spent the last 10 months of my life. I dont know, to me, I do remember experiencing a lot, but Im not completely satisfied with the way I handled things & side stepped opportunities I shouldve taken up! These three hours was like a 1 on 1 philosophical session with myself.. very interesting!

I just stared out.. disappointed with myself thinking about how much i DIDNT accomplish.. although.. no use blaming myself or anything of that sort if I aint gna learn from it right?Well, everyone cant learn all that fast! =p.. lets see how things go.. hmm.. for the next six months! =)

Too lazy to tell ya about other stuff rite now.. will later.. =D

Not Giving Up.. On Nothing..

Well.. like the title says.. again something very awkward & unorthodox..

Its about my exams.. hell.. about my course!

Dont zactly love accounting.. but hell.. aint about my course specifically.. dont understand it.. tis like.. for 1 of the few times, i dont have fear of anything about this.. i aint afraid of failing.. AT ALL!!

I mean, I know, there are some students who use fear as fuel to prepare them for examinations.. for some the fuel injects quite late.. im the latter.. but still.. this late aint even coming! Even after failing.. theres no emotion.. no disappointment.. no regret.. no.. feeling that I must do better the next time!

Ive tried studying.. tried concentrating.. now it doesnt seem like i EVER tried.. but i did.. now Ive kinda given up.. although.. i aint sure if i actually have or not.. =\..

One of my lecturers.. she emphasizes on not giving up.. shes like one of these wannabe motivational ppl.. but mos of the time she seems just an old skool bich! Cant blame her though.. tis part of her job!

When ever she aint a bich.. shes that motivational speaker i was telling you about.. she like quotes sites like "pravs.com".. maybe even "Santabanta.com".. kinda get sick of it though! Its like gettin the same forwarded email ova & ova.. familiarity breeds comtempt.. further familiarity just breeds frustration & anger i guess!! =)

I kept telling myself.. dont give up.. but then it finally hit me.. wt the hell am i giving up on ? =\..

Aint like Im preparing for the exam of life.. geez.. just a freaking subject.. should we really be taking it so the extent where we think about it day & night..? =\ =S

She takes academics to the next level.. and her career.. she thinks its a big deal..

In reality.. she like 30-something.. & she doesnt have anything to reflect upon cept her credentials! I mean, by 30 I'd wanna be married, prolly have a kid or two.. not just coaching students 24/7.. telling them how important passing their examinations and getting good grades are.. whatever happened to having fun.. just relaxing.. to her, working on academics is doing calculations & relaxing is doing theory! =\

Her influence has even spread to a couple of students.. class rep.. i duno if i should give his blog add or not.. but.. he has kinda laid down his "estimated" life.. you know.. when he graduates.. when he gets employed.. when he gets married.. etc etc.. he estimates getting married at 35!!!

YA!! I KNOW!! THIRTY FIVE!!!!

His muscles are going to be quite hard on his preferred hand.. he might even want to turn ambidextrous after making love to himself so many times!

People.. life aint about academics.. or how much money you earn..

Its what type of person you choose to become.. how you sacrifice and compromise for others.. WHAT YOU DO for others.. i mean.. actions speak louder than words innit? =\..

Your actions in this life.. they gna speak me louder.. longer.. & more truthfully than any words you can ever utter!

More than what you say.. becareful what you do..!

Salams + tc

RR

Mad World..

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad world


Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World.

Ramadhan.. Day 13.. or 14.. =\.. not sure! =D

Ello..

Lets start with the lame stuff bout myself..
Well.. ramadhan's cool.. everyone's looking happier and brighter.. cept for a few cases who dont really fast properly.. as in.. prayer-less fasts.. swearing n stuff.. doesnt really count innit? =\.. anyway.. lets hope these ppl change themselves so that everythings accepted and stuff for their sake.. the people around them will be held responsible for their wrong actions as well.. this is the part that gets me down.. but im just happy with doing my job as informant, i cant be as persistent as im supposed to be i guess.. lets hope God forgives me for that!

We playing for this cricket tournament tomorrow.. tis all for fun.. cos our team kinda sux! =).. so we have no real choice cept to play for fun.. i hope it goes well.. as in.. least we get off the pitch with our dignity.. least a lil of it! =D

The Meaty Stuff Of This Post

A good friend of mine admitted that she was struck by the blues when I pointed out she seemed.. "different" she was a lil busy.. but we did kinda have a productive chat about what was going on!

It started with the usual "Life Really Stinks.." , as we all know, thats kinda overrated now.. not that we wouldnt agree & use that as an excuse.. forget excuse.. sometimes when you sitting all alone.. just thinking about nothingness.. you just conclude that life does really suck!

I mean.. whats to like.. its all negativity and hopeless.. death & loss.. the list just keeps going on & on.. but still.. dont mean we cant try & make it a better place innit?

Its not easy to look at this horrible place with a vision of hope & good.. but an attempt atleast? ..is that too much to ponder about?

The answer can be forever debated upon.. but still.. lets take for example.. me being amongst the biggest pessimist on the planet.. its mostly limited to myself.. actually.. dont take myself as an example.. =p.. I am my own poison.. its just sad & pathetic to think about.. inshaAllah some1 or something will come along & change this part of me.. until then.. bleh! x| =D

We being among the blessed.. as in.. fully functional.. we aint crippled.. we've got everything we need to try and improve what this horrible place has become! I don't think its going to happen.. but no harm thinking about it innit? =\

We dont always get what we want.. we dont get all the money we want.. we dont get the love we yearn for.. we dont always feel like we belong.. we dont always see eye to eye.. but that doesnt mean we cant achieve what we want.. doesnt mean we cant love back unconditionally.. doesnt mean we cant do great things.. doesnt mean we cant compromise & unite to help ourselves & ppl around us..

Life does suck.. doesnt mean we just sulk through all of it.. tis hard to even find the little things to enjoy these days.. i know! Be warned.. i aint telling ya to get stoned or get drunk to suffice any negative feelings you might have repressed within yourself.. emotions like this.. dont go away.. they can be ignored.. but they will be back soon enough!

One remedy I've kinda learned over the times is.. as in.. takes away the hollow-ness out of this seemingly pointless life is to do something you've always wanted to do.. whether its to confess your love for this chick you've always liked.. [ or dood u like for some of you guys out there ] or it might be even more silly, like bungee jumping! Just a new experience.. kinda numbs the pointlessness for quite a bit! =D

Hmmm.. lets hope I've made sense.. till b sad to have wasted so much of your time endlessly & to no prevail.. inshaAllah then.. i await the comments! =D

Salams + tc
RR

Ramadhan.. Day.. Unknown..

Just finished watching this movie.. Major Payne.. I watched it first when I was like 9 or 10 or something.. I still find it hilarious! =D

I remember it quite vivid.. the night I watched the tape which my sister had rented.. my dad KICKED my ass for something I [obviously] shouldnt have done! =).. twas a nice way to end a night which I had received such an unforgettable ass whopping!

Spinning Rooms & Knowledge-less Study Sessions
I dont know what to do anymore.. Ive fought off all emotions to skip & bunk classes, n Im making it to pretty much all my classes.. & im hating it.. but hey.. no1 said I had to love then innit? Now im coming to the problem of studying! ..i mean.. i kno thats a problem every1 faces.. but i consider myself in a different league.. cos i hate something about my course.. I know i use the term "hollow" alot.. but it really is a hollow hate!

You this kinda hate where you look at a person & just go "You know.. i dont really know that person.. but i hate him/her!!" ..=D.. i know some1 who shares that same emotion as me.. tis brilliant to talk about the ppl we secretly hate every once in a while! =D

One of me friends just saw my PM which says summin about failing.. again! [Btw.. i just came back frm my 2nd test in 3 days.. & my hunch is, i failed both.. =\ ] he was just telling me.. "Study.. girls will come & go" ..i just started laughing and asked if he knew when they were coming! =D

Sometimes things seem much simpler than they are.. quite honestly.. if i could blame all this inconsistency, immaturity & odd behaviour on a girl.. id b quite satisfied.. having a reason is all i need.. i have nothing here.. im just alone with my pessimism.. that aint gna fly.. SERIOUSLY!

Anyway.. I got about 3 weeks until my mocks.. inshaAllah.. i'll mend my pathetic academic ways.. somehow.. i just gotta! =\..

Like this bangla dood keeps saying to me.. "Say dua for me..!"

Salams + tc
RR

Ramadhan.. Day 4..

Salams!
Tis ramadhan oredy! ..yeap! real fast! I know! =D

Well.. four days have gone.. still a long way to go to eid! Its kinda nice to see every1 suffer without swearing & smoking! Basically, its nice to see them become better people! =)

Nice to hear more Quran & recite and feel that subtle good feeling we all haven't had for a long time, I bet I can get a handful of people to agree with me! Ive recognized that people, even though they are more silent and easily uptight whilst the fasting period which is from Sunrise to Sunset, but still, they seem MORE happy after that!

Theres no real logical explanation.. there are actual smiles on people's faces.. the real one's.. not those hollow, unrealistic one's! =D

Geez.. i got SOOOO much work to make up for.. its kinda ridiculous.. i have NO idea what I've been doing all this time!

I should start up on my work btw.. =D.. I'll holla at ya people some other time!

Enjoi urself until the next time..
Salams + tc

...

A friend of mine showed me these lyrics from a song [which kinda sux btw!].. which kinda spoke to me.. just like it spoke to him.. we both had the same look in our eyes when we were reading the lyrics.. & walked away slowly with the same smile thinking about it all..

Its odd.. this friend of mine.. is SOOO different from me.. but its scary on how many levels we are similar.. =\.. just scary..

Anyway.. read & enjoi..

Lonely Wont Leave Me Alone

(David Foster, Jermaine Jackson, Tom Keane, K.Wakefield)

---

Why do I seem to be caught up inside a dream. 
All my life, it's always been my shadow and me.
Over my shoulder there's always a voice somewhere
saying I never should try to set my heart free.
I wish that love would come and take me in her arms.
Show me what I've never known.
Where I could hold someone adn words like right and wrong
just fade away like yesterday.

Lonely won't leave me alone.
Lonely won't leave me alone.
Why, tell me why, won't even let me fall in love.
Oooooh everywhere I go
Always by my side
Won't even let me fall in love.

I try and say I love you but the words won't come through.
In my eyes, see all  the tears and sad memories. 
Why cna't I start out new and leave that old feeling
too far behind.  I guess that lonely needs company.
Around each bend of road, I'm thinking that in time there
will be that rainbow's end.  But when I follow
those self illusions I find that it's only lonely and me again.

Lonely won't leave me alone.
Lonely won't leave me alone.
Why, tell me why lonely just keeps my heart out of touch.
Oooooooh everywhere I go
Always by my side
Won't even let me fall in love.

Lonely won't leave me alone.
I wish that love would come
Lonely won't leave me alone.
and take me home.
Lonely...
Lonely won't let me fall in love.

Leave me alone.
I wish that lonely...
Lonely won't leave me alone.
love would come..
Lonely...
Lonely won't let me fall in love.

Changes & Alot Of Other Shit..

I was reading this blog.. a friend of mine..

I was past the 1st two lines.. last word I read was "change is difficult".. I just closed the window!

Being human, we know change is inevitable.. soon enough.. being the malleable humans that we are.. ppl like myself just become numb & unchanged to things manipulating at every lil interval & every bump they call reality in this life we are forced to lead & try to live to the fullest.

As I sat in a smoke filled room which wasn't my own, which had random tracks lightly thumping on speakers which happened to be mine.. =p.. I was being flooded with memoirs of school & what I had called home once.. & instead of concentrating on such BS tots.. i kinda winced away from it all when I started chatting away with a few close ppl on me MSN list.. sadly.. they left abruptly.. not very happy about it cos I really felt like a good chat.. to my inconvenience.. some people actually do have lives! =D

So I'm back here.. with my twisted mental thoughts.. & nothing else but a keyboard to work with..

Back to my initial topic.. change.. err.. some people have it so farking bad.. you could throw anything at them.. any scenario.. any condition.. & neither would they blink.. nor would they flinch.. I've always wanted to be among those people cos they've killed a human part of them.. how cool is that huh?

Thing is.. some people just have to feel the emotion.. some people dont find it worth it.. some people just have to hate.. some people just have to cry.. you cant stop them.. its an animal, gut, animal.......yet human emotion!

Think about it.. everything you know, revolves around changes.. from evolution to your own life..

You don't think you going to be in the same school from the day you start academics till the day you graduate.. hell.. I can bet you ain't going to be in the same country!
You don't think you going to be friends with the people you hung out with high school for the rest of your life innit? ..i can bet it wont last past your 2nd semester!

Being human means we changing without even knowing it! =D..

Perfect examples being.. we all have that friend who's convinced he's found love every other month.. & even though you might find it humorous & think the dood's on crack.. he's pretty serious on more than 1 level! =)
...even something as simple as our song preference.. changes every week probably! =D

Why does change shock us so much then?! Why are we caught off guard?
Not like you didn't know things were going to change.. sigh.. tis all sad but true! =\..

[ on a conclusive note.. i lost my point.. yet again! =D.. tis too freaking early to clean my mess up! im going to sleep.. inshaAllah holla lata.. 1st post for Sept! yay!! go me! =D.. ]

salams + tc..
RR

Out With What Was In..

Some people say, if theres anything on your mind, anything on your chest you wanna get off.. do it.. cos bottling up your emotions, would take a toll on you.. then prolly kill you..! =\.. Nxt time I meet one of those people, Im gna take that bottle Im using for my emotions & shatter it on their heads! =p.. lets just put it this wayy.. just how some jokes sound better in your head than in the air, its the same for most of your thoughts! =D.. esp. the really crazy one's! =)

Thing is.. its the ppl who seem to "label" you that scare you into speaking your mind.. your heart.. wherever your vocabulary comes from! =D..

Lemme be open about this.. if you have a problem.. or need advice.. or whatever.. trust me.. I can assure you on anything & everythin pure and holy.. I will help you AS MUCH AS I can.. after pointing and laughing at ya! =D.. tis a curse & a blessing.. most of the people close to me, have the ability to laugh at themselves.. but every once in a while I run into those ppl who think Im heartless just cos I make a joke or two.. o well.. driving those ppl away dont really bother me now innit?! =p.. so tis all good! =D

Sometimes when you tell ppl something.. for starters.. they'll play a part in front of you.. whether its comforting you or a more popular selection, giving their 2 cent advice.. and secretly save in their cache what sorta person you are. Its like being caught in the act.. you friend smokes, you took a puff, whilst taking the drag.. some1 walks in.. depending on the nature of that person & the sorta relationship you have with him / her.. your either going to be shrugged off as "experimental" or going to be forever called a junkie! x =D.. you get me?

Same thing with love & the paths your heart makes for yourself.. sometimes you go down a road you wouldnt have normally taken.. after that, & taking into consideration the way you acted all that time.. your going to be defaulted when a conversation of love & yourself is concerned!

If you loved your teddy when you were a lil.. you gna be labelled a teddy lover forever & ever! =D..

okay.. now this is gettin ridiculous.. talkin about teddy lovers! =p..

Basically.. leme just remind you of the point of all of this trash.. becareful of what you do.. becareful of what you say.. & becareful of what you do, & with whom you do it..! ..& no.. i dont care about ur well-being.. Im just trying to save you some time! =D

yallah.. have to do other irrelevant stuff..
salams + tc..

Hmm.. =)

(8) Colin Hay - Beautiful World (8)

My my my, It’s a beautiful world
I like swimming in the sea
I like to go out beyond the white breakers
Where a man can still be free,
Or a woman if you are one
I like swimming in the sea

My my my, It’s a beautiful world
I like drinking Irish Tea
With a little bit of lap sang souchong
I like making my own Tea

My my my, It’s a beautiful world
I like driving in my car
Roll the top down,
Sometimes I travel quite far
Drive to the ocean
Stare up at the stars

All around is anger, automatic guns
Death in large numbers, no respect for woman, or our little ones
I tried talking to Jesus, but he just put me on hold
Said he’d been swamped by calls this week
And He could not shake his cold

And still this emptiness persists
Perhaps this is as good as it gets
When you’ve given up the drink and those nasty cigarettes
Now I leave the party early at least with no regrets
I watch the sun as it comes up I watch it as it sets
Yeah this is as good as it gets

My my my, It’s a beautiful world
I like sleeping with Marie
She is one sexy girl full of mystery
She says she doesn’t love me, but she likes my company
For now that’s good enough for me

When you hear the acoustic twang'ing & this doods voice.. the song's even better! =)

Im prolly going to make my own version soon enough.. I see the lyrics flexible enough! But then again.. I always see lyrics as malleable cos we cannot get enough laughs in a day.. so inshaAllah.. soon enough! =p

Hmm.. I cant but help get back to my previous post.. in the song.. he uses the line.. "..thats as good as it gets!?" ..thats what I meant.. settling happily!

When was the last time you didnt get what you wanted.. but without complaining to mommy & daddy or bitching with a friend.. you happily settled? & I'm talking about happily.. you know.. no regrets.. no hollow smiles.. no crying late at night.. =p.. just.. satisfied.. or REALLY satisfied..

Its hard to find that being human.. but if you do muster up the character to do so.. you gain a lot.. emotionally.. mentally.. & it shows on ya as an individual fighting this battle that is life.. "battle that is life".. cliche innit? =D ..but still.. YOU GET MY POINT! which is my main objective.. hate ta lose ya after you've once again.. read LOADS of text! =)

Anyway.. gta get back to whatever I wasnt doing.. you take care of yourself.. with the way things rolling, Im prolly gna be back real soon!

Salams + tc..! =D

Lets Be Real...

Ey.. tis me again! .. =\.. who'd ya expect? =)

Anyway.. =p.. just a topic popped into me head.. i signed in.. & kinda wanna go with the flow.. lets see what substance we end up with! =D

People.. whether its our parents.. uncles.. aunties.. peers.. blah di blah.. they tell us.. or quite literally DRIVE us to reach for the stars & all that garbage.. u know.. dream without a barrier or boundary.. you know.. sky's the limit............yea.. right! =D

If people were a lil more real with their expectations.. so many throats would not be slit.. so many backs would not have been stabbed.. & so many hearts would not have been shattered by now! Tis the bitter sweet habit of humanity now!

School of thought is.. where ever you aim.. you'll end up landing a lil lower.. most of ya'll must have got the whole speech from someone.. where.. if you aiming for an "A".. u going to end up with a "B".. aim for a "B".. you get a "C".. & you aim for a "C".. oh.. whats that..? "D" you say?! woaw.. you freaking mind reader! =p


What if.. you aimed for.. nothing? ..what if, you aimed for crap.. trash.. gibberish.. nothingness.. you know.. the stuff under the fridge.. just.. NOTHING.. wouldn't that be awesum!?? =D

Im not telling you to limit your dreams.. or hold yourself back.. I'm telling you to be an understanding human being.. every once in a while.. when you "doing your thang".. to think from another person's point of view & how you affecting them too!

This might seem like I'm drifting.. or kinda swaying from my initial point.. but I'm still on the same boat as you.. just that we might be rowing in opposite directions!

Just that.. where ever you heading.. or what ever you doing to make something of yourself.. even though.. the world seems as though you always gotta take & flee with what it has to offer.. it aint anything like that!

Quite honestly.. giving is much better.. least.. on the conscience.. but a person who's relationship with materiality is tight.. he'd advise you otherwise.. but an average person would label that as a shallow opinion!

Shit.. I kinda lost my point! =p =D..

Oh right.. just that.. don't aim too high.. hit your targets.. but don't hit the people around you or trying to make things easier for ya..
Lean on people.. but don't shove & push them away..

But keep in mind.. when that hard decision does come along [like it always inevitably does..] try making the compromise & sacrifice with yourself.. doesn't always have to be that naive person who's always willing to take the heat for you.. irrespective of whether its your mom or bestest best buddy.. -_- ..ow the hell you expect to advance emotionally?! =\.. anyway.. drifting again.. 0_o.. [aint a very gud post innit? =\ ]

Back to me point.. [again!] ..stepping on toes is one thing.. kicking some1 in the nuts is something else..!
Find the balance.. find the place where you punch the dood in the stomach.. but you both just laugh about it & shrug it off.. & you await your turn to be punched.. that being the heights of a metaphor.. dont go punch your daddy for paying tuition..!!

Hmmm.. this is horrible..! =p.. me going stop now.. u either got me point.. or you didn't.. if you didnt.. HAHA!! I stole about.. hmm.. 7mins of ur life! =D

Until more gibberish comes along..

Salams + tc..

Rusty

Have you ever..?

Things are piling on.. the ice I stand on only gets thinner.. its a weird feeling..
Im all alone.. & no1 seems to give a shit.. that being an alien feeling.. it aint gettin used too.. its not like I want a silver spoon in my mouth.. hell I aint even asking for a pat on the back.. how about cutting me a lil slack!?

Hell no.. it subtly, painfully piles on..

Sory if my introduction seems to be emulated by a bubbling biatch.. this aint my point.. kinda going along the lines of whats in me head.. so lemme carry on..

Have You Ever..

Have you ever felt so much pain & troubles.. when something adds to it.. you just smile if not laugh..?

Have you ever look into a room with eyes begging for help.. full of people who you thought would be there for you when you needed them the most.. & none of them impressed ya..?

Have you ever felt so farked up.. food tasted like cardboard & paper in your mouth..?

Have you ever been so troubled that you caught your face with the most ugly & sharp squint.. even though u werent really staring at anything..?

Have you ever cried so many tears.. you pondered whether you really could cry blood..?

Have you ever sat in the shower for hours.. cos thats the only place you feel nothing could get worse..?

Have you ever got exactly what you wanted.. but it doesnt feel the same.. its either not worth how you got there.. or u feel u aint doing justice to what you've been awarded / earned..?

Have you ever done something so wrong.. & against your morals and nature.. sleep didnt catch up with you for many nights..?

...well, as mush as I'd love to keep goin & destroying a lil piece of ya everytime.. although the pain may seem great.. as crazy as it sounds.. we still are blessed!

Its hard to explain.. you see.. Im just talkin the talk.. unable to walk the walk.. I know I will be able to walk the walk.. I just dont know when..! hmmm.. thing is.. the fact that you read this.. the fact that you are able to comprehend the words that you are able to read off your PC.. these are all blessings we take for granted innit.. or least forget to appreciate? =\ [both of course along the same lines!]

Hmm.. having said that.. even though we feel the crap we feel.. whether some1's able to pick ourselves up or not.. whether its Dr. Phil or Oprah.. tink we gta push ourselves the most.. basically.. do the best we can.. I dont tink we handicapped in any sorta wayy.. I duno if I do enough.. but "Thank You God" for everything.. & for you Aetheists.. hmmm.. o well.. you going to hell first.. so.. u have my pity! *shrug*

tc of urselfs ppl.. sory if i was a biatch in d start.. i fot it off & tried to make a point of it all.. if i didnt get to u.. sory.. & inshaAllah in me nxt post.. =D.. peace..!

At The Airport..

I just dropped my sis who spent a handful of weeks in M'sia with me..



Twas a good experience for her & even myself..



Ive been having lots of bad luck.. the most recent event, my sister calls me 30 mins after walking through passport control, basically the point of no return & meeting once again.. she says shes holding the cash which I gave her yesterday.. amount of 1250.. it consists of a loan I took as well as rent money my roommate payed for me..



THIS IS INSANITY! ..or rather, REALLY REALLY unlucky!!! Now Im even more further from paying my fees off! =\

I was about 1500+ Ringgits away from paying my fees.. now.. even further.. sigh.. the coming weeks dont look very bright..! =



Anyway.. I promised myself not to use this blog as a pity filter & a means of making the world know how I feel about every teeny tiny thing.. cos even though most of the world's bloggers do that.. ITS SAD & PATHETIC! ..there I said it.. honestly.. go get a life & a sideline of attention.. honestly, no1 cares if you lonely cos you broke up with someone who you thought was the one & all that garbage.. seriously.. stop asking for pity & just go on about the information thats actually useful! ..sigh.. this aint even the point.. yallah.. leme move on! =D

Being At the Airport..

Before, after & during the time I was dropping my sis off & even everytime in between.. looking around in the airport.. I feel odd.. as in.. for starters, I couldnt stop thinking of that dood played by Tom Hanks in The Terminal. Such a challenge he was put through, & he kinda pulled through in the end innit? hmm.. wonder if you or I could ever pull something like that off! =p =D

Well.. once in the airport.. you dont really know the time, you just concentrating on the time on your watch & how much time you have before you can get everything done, baggage, passport control, maybe a little bit of shopping.. its like.. time stands still here.. as in.. a slice of time.. I dont know if this is making ANY sense to you.. but least in my twisted.. sadastic.. tiny head.. tis quite clear! =D

All you see is ppl greeting eachother.. bidding their farewell's.. shopping.. ppl having meals.. ppl just loitering around.. looking for that familiar face.. riding the elevator for giggles.. okay.. even though the last part was more personal to me than an on the whole extract.. you get my point! =D

Tis like a lil world of its own there.. where you have a small bit of time to do whatever you want & inevitably have to leave the lil world to fly back to reality.. its kinda nice.. theres no war here.. no pollution.. theres no poverty.. there are no hearts broken [unless of course ur flight got cancelled! ] ..everything that happens in an airport is a conclusion of a sequence of events.. dont you think..?

Oh.. flights in.. I'll holla about something no1 really cares about lata.. until the nxt time.. peace + tc.. go do something worthwhile aiite? =D..

I Hate It When..

Here's a lil summing I found a lil corner in no where.. tis a lil interesting.. its like.. every parts dedicated to a different person.. so maybe a lil relation might exist with your respective-self as well..! =D

Anyway.. enjoy!

I Hate It When..

I hate it when I think we know each other & u misjudge me blindly without giving me half a chance..

I hate it when I expect you to do the right thing, you look me at me with your naive eyes & do the complete opposite..

I hate it when you stab me in the back.. even if it is for my own good.. just rip me heart out from the front, I'd actually appreciate that..

I hate it when you accept whats wrong with me instead of pulling me away from it..

I hate it when you say that your better than me.. & then leave me stranded behind you showing no care as to helping me be with you..

I hate it when you know all you are doing is hurting yourself, but you just keep going & going..

I hate it when you cant accept that where we are is reality & not to hold onto false hopes numbly..

I hate it when you tell me what Im doing wrong because you seem a bigger hypocrite than ever & its poisoning my heart & mind with regard to you..

I hate it when you know I need you.. & you act oblivious..

& I hate it when you cant accept & love me for who I am.. without looking for a substitute..

-x-x-x-

Well.. thats all i got.. inshaAllah will post some more garbage found from elsewhere lata on.. =D.. salams + tc & chillllllllllllll..

RR

When its just you & me.. original version..

Ey ladies & gentleman.. found this old piece lying around.. wanna just throw this on the table since its been a while since I even used the table! =D

[ Original Post Created On 6:12pm Thursday, Jun 21 ]

Ey ppl.. i kno tis a lil early for another poem but i just had to kinda do this 1 to prove summin to sum1.. =p.. quite the transition, frm a that finanicial thingy.. to this.. although.. hope ya'll enjoy it! =D.. cya round..


When its just you & me.. original version..

When its just you & me..
you wouldnt have to say or do a thing & id be amongest the luckiest things alive..

We wouldnt have to do much..
but you just there for me..
would deteriorate my numbness with every word.. every touch..

to be in your presence, an etched blessing..
to be in your thoughts, a never ending bliss..

we could go to the park..
you could hold my hand whilst telling me how well it fits tog..
id make the most lame jokes, cos i know it'd make you smile..
& with the sight of you exultant, even for a second..
id be granted piece of mind..
& serenity to my soul..

while we lie on the ground..
forming shapes with the actually nonsensical cloud shapes..
id secretly pray for rain and know that you'd be too..
so that before we dance in it, i'd hold you amorously..
so amorously, as if for eternity..


After the lightening stops.. after the claps of thunder silence..
under blue skys and our rainbow.. all thats left is to hold you..
hold you close..
telling you how i never thought it'd be just you & me..

-Rusty =)

PS:- Rikaz.. HOW U LIKE ME NOW BITACH!!!? =D..

A Lil Ditty I Came Up With..

Salams & salutations one & all..

Whilst cramming [ or atleast TRYING to cram.. ] with me numerous accounting textbooks.. came up with this lil poem.. hope you ppl enjoy it.. & i kno you will if any of ya'll accounting students..! =D

When Its You & Me.. From a financial Perspective

When its just you & me..
I'll be the sole trader.. & you can be my capital..

Everytime we share a kiss.. my net profit will gets higher..
everytime you hold my hand.. my balance sheet tally's..

everytime you look into my eyes.. my interest on capital multiplies..
everytime you smile.. my cost of sales is totally worth it..

everytime you talk.. my income statement looks better than ever..
everytime i think about you.. it feels as if my cash account gets debited..

with you by my side.. i do not see the need to withdraw from my drawings account..
with your love.. its seems as though i have no liability..

being with you sets my accounting principles straight..
& having your love balances my accounting equation..

if being in love with you credits my cash account.. i dont want it to be debited!
..I thank God everyday I have you as my non-current asset!

-Rushdi Rafeek ^_^

What I Miss..

This being me first post.. I was honestly clueless what to right about.. but like the title suggests I got something now.. I was first going to talk about how I have nothing to talk about........... =|.. I know, a little too lame for words innit? =D

Being an international student in a foreign country.. its kinda hard to get straight into stride after flying from a place where you quite comfortable & used to even though you cant really afford it! =p

Everyone suffers from a mild depression, some worse than others.. some keep themselves occupied so the hollow emptiness is not felt that much.. but I think the feeling somehow it catches up sooner or later after having flown wherever to study or work.. sadly, its just human.. nothing can feel that space and everything in between the silence, loneliness & sadness. I'm thankful for the friends that God blessed me with.. friends & people who I now consider family & would help at any point in time for almost any reason in response for them helping me when I didn't know where to go & what went where!

Back home, everything was uniform, I knew exactly what to do when & who to go to.. unfortunately, not every place plays the same tune so you gotta change your moves once you step onto the stage.. like they same.. when in Rome.. *roll eyes*

Over here.. every breath is a different experience.. from the dialect to the taste of food you thought you once knew.. =D.. its quite.. hmm.. I'm looking for a word which merges pain & pleasure.. but me weak vocab kinda fails me there.. =).. but having explained that with so much clarity, you must get what I mean.. at least vaguely!

After the first fews weeks.. I came to the conclusion that when talking to anyone except for the internationals.. WHAT EVER I hear.. is WRONG! ..& of course to break their sentences down & stretch a muscle thinking logically! =) ..yes people.. sometimes its that hard to understand!!! ..I need a translator at McDonald's.. & the woman's talking in freaking ENGLISH! ...*shrug*

Anyway, back to me point, the missing.. hmm.. people would actually come over the "hang out".. that doesn't happen much here.. people are either moving too fast for an average person to catch up or too slow for anyone to recognize that the person ain't even around! =D

Some are fumbling & mentally hazy still suffering from the stage 1 depression I mentioned earlier, some are experiencing to many things to be themselves, hell, there are even some people who are just blinded by puppy love to play one character around everyone. I can honestly say I haven't been in any of those shoes, at least not to my recollection! ..although from a 3rd party perspective.. IT SUCKS!
Back home, people would just knock on my door.. buzz me on the phone.. & spill.. no strings attached.. not like I'd give them any special treatment! I'd point and laugh if required!!! =D.. thats what true friends do anyway! What you prefer.. giggling at a problem of life with a friend.. or being stabbed in the back with those very facts you told me a few days later???
Its sad when people afraid to smile at themselves.. only adds to the negativity.. not like that didn't happen back home.. just that people I'm close with were over that phase and now I have to go through the long & excruciating process of exchanging trust with people & don't really know & don't really want to trust.. but its not a choice you make.. events happen & shape relationships.. of course not everything is uncontrollable, but you get my drift.

I miss my family.. its not like I had much.. the only real people who were family I remember hanging out with are my cousins.. I had two brothers who were older than me.. & two that were younger.. hmm.. come to think of it, the two who were younger were my cousins children, therefore my nephews, although I've always considered them cousins due to the fact that we schooled & are in the same age group..
The elder one's drove me places.. told me stuff & expressed themselves in a manner which helped me in my everyday & kept me aware.. lets just say.. if the sun's rays were life.. their presence was the hand shading my eyes so that I could see potholes ahead! They were slaves to vices non of us appreciated.. but they NEVER let me think of ever stepping into their boat.. & while doing "whatever" they endlessly warned me of the negativity it brought on as well as the harmful effects, even if it was stern warnings or jokingly reminding.. it all helped change my school of thought on those specific fields!
The younger one's are the one's I took places.. well not exactly on expeditions.. but still.. we had our lil outings.. just out of our places.. whether it was just to play football, just talk or to kill time.. we had the most priceless thing between us.. time!

Hehe.. saying that I miss my mum is cliche to the ear.. yet theres no way I can escape from admitting & explaining it.. thing is.. it might not always be your mum.. its very old school to miss your mum like this, but since we are in such a twisted & queer world.. it could be your dad.. or even a sibling.. basically.. that person who's got your back no matter where you f**k up! I use the jargon "f**k" cos it is THAT serious! Me mum had me back what ever I did, what ever I wanted & where ever I went.. I didn't realize it.. but I do miss that unconditional love & understanding expressed by an individual! =)

I miss the people who used to make it seem like they couldnt live without me.. =D.. yes yes.. isn't exactly the most modest thing to say but its not the way it sounds.. you know there are people of that sort who do exist in your life, irrespective of how you respond to their presence! Thing is.. as much as they play a role in your life.. you kinda play a role in theirs! Unless of course you using someone for personal gain...... then....... STOP IT! =p
If things do go well.. its a very nice feeling and everythings just fine & dandy! =D.. even if it is just a hi.. a bye.. a wave.. a chocolate.. a tap.. a handshake.. a prod.. hell, even if its just a smile.. im pretty sure your going to miss it when its gone cos thats just how the cookie crumbles.. thats just it!
..its a bitter sweet thing though! cos im pretty sure no one misses that dude who for some reason ALWAYS has bad breath.. someone's seriously got to get that dude a toothbrush.. or how about that dude who cannot greet another human being without physically hurting the person.. *sigh* Im in need of a panadol & an episode of "The Office (US)" just thinking about those people!

I miss being read.. as in.. me moods.. my feelings.. at least.. I don’t know if people do take stabs at my moods and intentions with the things I say & actions I go through with.. but there were a handful of people who'd read me.. sometimes before myself.. & use the perfect words to kind of seem its like they right by your side even though everything's moving so fast.. quite simply.. both lives.. yours and the respective person's is moving at such a speed where nothing really add's up or makes sense.. these people kind of slow things down & make you want to stop & sniff the flowers.. could be your mum.. could be a partner.. could just be a friend..
I was lucky enough to be blessed with two significant people.. a friend.. & my sister.. God's too good to us sometimes! =D

Hell! Sometimes.. I miss myself! & the people who used to entertain me & themselves with the real, useless, crazy-ass me! =p.. you know those people who stick around and laugh or even better join you, when you feeling “quirky” & “witty” instead of feeling uncomfortable, calling the cops or even worse calling an asylum! Of course these people would be family members.. but me footy friends included in this one as well.. cos with the amount of footy we played.. we kinda shared every emotion with each other.. so happy I accomplished so much with people without crossing any moral borderlines.. some people think it’s a big deal to do the wrong things.. drugs, alcohol.. what ever.. heck! Believe it or not.. there are people who challenge themselves to pull shit like that off.. the results are just sad, & unfortunately people are blinded by their wants & desires they don’t really heed advice which was donated by some poor soul who’s already been in some crap of that sort or even worse, actually gives a shit about that person’s well being..!! We know people like that.. & they just disappoint you even all you doing is witnessing this stuff as a friend.. well.. these people were nothing like that.. they helped me enjoy everything “halaal” to the fullest.. thanks! =D

I miss the people who always seemed to be around, & seemed to know everything whether I did tell them or not! =D The people who were always at my place, buzzing on the phone, just used to drop by or just holla at me for absolutely NO REASON.. like I mentioned before.. as superfluous as it seems.. you’ll miss it when its gone! =)
But I have learnt.. if people want to keep in touch.. care.. and actually do give a shit.. you’ll be closer than ever no matter where they are, & no matter where you are on the globe.. I got friends who I considered family at a point in time.. few, I knew connection could NOT be neutralized NO MATTER WHAT! ..whether distance, time or moods! ..but some, I had doubts whether things would be the same.. not that I’d die if things did change.. as much as change sucks.. its inevitable & life goes on innit? =\
A handful of people, located on diff. parts on the map have denied my theory of human beings being bastards.. & have kept “relations” closer than ever! =D
Hell, some of them doing such a good job, I wait till such un-earthly hours for a lil nonsensical chit chat, & have observed that people do it as well, even though you could simply leave an offline message.. =).. nooooooo! These people actually wait..! Seriously.. God bless um all! =p

Oh btw.. if you have a friend aboard.. and you just doing nothing.. and feel this urge of calling the person for even 1 second.. go ahead and do it!
Hearing a familiar voice of a friend.. REALLLLLLY helps.. especially being an international.. sometimes you feel so.. disoriented.. its like vertigo taking over.. you feel all helplessly numb.. I know we all human.. & we feel negative once in a while.. but being away from family & stuff.. aboard.. take my word for it.. IT BLOWS!
& I’ve been on both sides btw.. the calling.. & the being called.. both have their own rewards! =)
Although.. if you have financial problems.. or have some sort of credit regime to follow.. don’t call!!! I don’t want you to steal money from your mum or end up selling your organs just to buy freaking telephone cards.. just not worth it! ..just try using a friend’s phone whilst they aren’t around or aware! ^_^

Anyway.. hope you people enjoyed this lil piece of me tiny lil mind.. I apologize for grammatical errors.. sentences which were too long for their period.. & and spelling mistakes.. as you should know by now.. I don’t really care! =D

Have a nice day.. take care of yourself.. aiite? =D
Salam Walaikum..