Weird..

Well, by now most ppl know im back on home soil.. well, more than it being home soil, id say me stomping grounds! Its nice to be back.. to a place where winter is ACTUALLY winter and summer is ACTUALLY summer.. unlike msia where it js pours rain the WHOLE year! =p ..and for those of yall hu gna say, "cmon, sumtimes it doesnt rain for a couple of days! " ...yall kno wt happens after those short gaps innit? It rains SO HARD that ppl go missing! =p

Just got the mellow Jason Mraz playing in the background, bored outta my mind chatting with a friend on MSN.. sigh.. cant get anymore predictable and mundane than this!

Everyone here in their own groove or rather aint even interested in JUST chilling, they all want to do something, spend cash or just stay away! *shrug* literally speaking.. not like im gna give names, anyway not like u even know them.. for once.. i aint pointing fingers or making excuses to understand it, cos i know wts going on..

Ive changed.. alot.. but not at all enough to put anyone else outta place.. but still.. i see differences, in things i wouldve done b4 and things which i choose not to even bother to talk about.. it knocks on the back of my head sometimes, but thats growing up innit?

Seems like there are a handful of people who were so close to me.. but now, tis like ive grown up.. and they've sorta moved in the opposite direction, and now we sorta dont see eye to eye, tis like b4 we could share a melody in a song and now tis like we arent even in the same tempo, tis a shame, but the cookie's gta crumble either way. I dont even remember what i was expecting when i was flying all the way here, but i knew i wouldnt enjoy what id see.. kinda wish i was a tourist..

Maybe the coming weeks will improve.. going to sign up for different things to do..

Hmm.. i kinda hoping i have a plan outta this country.. i dont know about where im going to settle, but i want to make a life sumwhere else.. inshaAllah lets see what happens..

For now, with regard to this place.. ive given up on everything, from a future to love.. from a life to a social circle..!

Peace
RR

I got tagged apparently.. =\

Well ya.. tagged.. like it says..

So waeva.. here goes..

Remove one question from below and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. What’s your ambition?
Someone who gives more than he takes to ppl and knowing the person sufficed something significant should be able to tame the feeling of wanting to recieve something back in return.. [ too much to ask? ] 

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
Both play diff roles.. but i havent met some1 hu i rather be with than my close friends..

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
I always manage to come with "fun" new ways.. =D [ i shouldnt b saying that with a smile innit? =\ ]

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Nope.. its more of a bad thing.. but i like to think it keeps my feet more or less on the ground..

5. Do you believe that what goes around comes around?
Def.. do good.. things will prolly work out better in ur favour.. inshaAllah.. =)

6. Do you believe in God?
Undoubtedly..

7. Do you believe in eternity love?
mmhmm

8. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to you? (List 10)
Same interests doesnt work for me really.. only if God, Himself plays a role in it! But she'd have to sorta sit through a couple of me own interests def! hmm.. she'd have to get me humour.. be a lil extra patient unlike the majority of women this generation.. she'd have to be a lil looney and even more random..  should sorta know how to cook.. x).. gta be able to kick me ass everyonce in a while.. even a lil bichy would help.. and if it helps.. when it comes to dancing, blessed with two left feet.. =D

9. What's a worst girlfriend/boyfriend like to you?
Someone two faced and dishonest..

10.What feeling do you love most?
Scoring a goal for your fans..

11. What is your bad habit?
Lying without regret..

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hates you?
Yaa.. i dont like you too much either..

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
I'd like to think so.. but that aint possible innit?

14. What does flying means to you?
A dream coming true.. 

15. What do you currently crave for the most?
Playing professional football.. or more specifically.. doing something i enjoi doing.. maybe even comedy! =D

16. Have you ever regretted any decisions that you have made? If yes, briefly describe it.

Definately.. I did alot of things when i was a kid.. from dancing in plays.. singing solo's.. basketball.. cricket.. athletics.. football.. i have stacks of certificates and so many different colored medals.. but there are things like academics i didnt really work on.. so having done arabic and french for many years, i hardly learnt anything! Even not scoring higher in my O levels.. maybe couldve earned a scholarship.. that wouldve been nicer on my parents!

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
Most amazing china man, selfless, funny, honest, witty, giving and prolly hungry! =D


18.What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?
Hmm.. make the ones around me happy..

19. What will you become in another 10 years?
Hoping happy with whatever God has blessed with me and what ive earned.

20. What would you do when you are lonely?
Try and fill the silence with laughs until the next person comes along..

Yap.. thats it..

Well.. gta tag ppls.. i tag.. fatty [yoong already tagged ya] , RK [again.. tagged..] uhh.. what the hell? Who else i know? =S

Peace.. 
RR

Time after time..

Just realized another year almost gone by.. lots has happened.. i didnt even realize that it did pass.. tis a lil sad.. but we all know time wasting was inevitable..

Twas John Lennon who said Time wasted was not wasted.. sounds good i guess.. done!

Relationships have been made and lost.. and so have ppl. Some of them rekindled some crashed and burnt and subtly settled in an unspoken rubble. There were twists and turns in the countless lives we shared with the countless ppl.

We lost a couple of ppl here and there who had to leave for different reasons.. maybe they were done with their academics and some left cos it was just written in the stars.. God bless um..

So after the taboccos burnt.. beers drunk.. ligaments torn.. ppl mugged.. failed papers.. missed classes.. love lost.. love found.. hell even love wasted.. we all still here.. with our broken smiles and uncertainty.. thats pretty good taking into consideration how much we worry about tomorrow and how the path we on is treating us and how spontaneously we use the time we know we have left b4 we all move onward to our own respective & seperate directions..

Pretty empty post huh? =D

I tot i was moving in some sorta direction.. ended up with nothing much.. o well! *shrug*

Peace

RR

Superstar..

Thats what mos ppl hu i play futsal with call me.. not my boys of course.. to my boys im just a good player.. with my boys its like.. umm.. how do i put it.. its like when you eat a delicacy over and over again.. its no longer a delicacy.. its the norm.. so yaa..

I think they call me superstar cos they cant pronounce or remember my name.. heck i aint complaining.. my nick name on the football team in high school was mouse.. cos with my speed id pop outta places n stuff.. so superstar def. BIG improvement!

Anyway, today Ahmed forced me to play in this weekly tourny they organize.. i was def. his last resort cos he was literally at my doorstep begging me to play.. i was declining in my chuddi outside my door the whole time, but he outside the grill was only gna accept one answer.. and apart from futsal i oredy give in really easy.. so for futsal.. it wasnt hard to convince me.

I made it there on time, was a short wait for our first game.. looked like Ahmed couldnt sum up his usual dream team, was a bunch a no1's on our side against a star studded side.. no need for names cos you prolly wouldnt cross check n e way, although you can take my word for it.

10 mins, two halves.. you gotta win two games to progress.. simple enough..
I was having a ball as usual.. shouting orders out even though i didnt know my team as well as i would usually.. thing is when it comes to futsal.. team work is crucial.. as is individual performance.. team play always boots a ball hog wannabe hero!

I scored from an assist for Captian Ahmed who toiled on the wings.. i was make shift defender and attacking midfield.. my favourite.. i enjoi stealing the ball from the opposition and then planting it at the feet of the attackers to slot it home.. but this time it was me slamming it in since it was a counter.

As talented as these lads are.. they have very sensitive attitudes and almost zero technique.. during opposition goal kicks their backs are still facing the balls and when possession is lost they hardly make an attempt to play defense.. its not their fault, its just habit.. so having me on the pitch theres a repetitive shout of "back bitches!!! BACK!!!" to remind them we gotta win the ball back!

I was subbed out about 3 mins in the second half.. i had no complaints dead tired from a long day.. in came Ali, full of flair and style.. seven mins later we ran out emphatic winner 8-0.. since of the opposition players had a lil pitch fit and walked out on his team mates.. the goals were pretty much raining since we were 5 and them 4 lads on the pitch.. but hey.. not like we aint gna savour the win!

Second match i didnt start.. but i didnt care.. happy to not be on my feet.. and esp. not running around on the pitch.. 1st half over.. score reads 4-3.. yap.. pretty eventful.. we were down 2-0.. managed to take the lead 3-2.. but Mohd's team somehow got back into it..

With about 3 mins to go i was subbed in.. as i took my stride through into the pitch.. ball rolls towards me.. step up slam a beau left legged bullet in.. ive always not been able to happily celebrate an equalizer.. its all or noting for me.. 

Next min.. another loose ball.. another slammer with me left leg.. another goal.. woohoo.. winner for me.. what i didnt kno was God was going to gift the opposition two soft goals for us to eat dirt in the las min..

Although in my defense the decisions were EXTREMELY dodgy.. in the las min, Ahmed was being kicked by the defenders like a black dood being assaulted by the cops.. was just appauling that nothing were fouls.. eventually after knocking out countless shins.. they got their goals.. *shrug* not in our power really..

O well.. another day.. another match.. inevitable blistering, flashy goals.. what can i say.. Superstar.. =)

RR

Pointless..

Kinda have nothing articulate to post.. got futsal in a couple of hours and cant really nap or kill time.. 

I've developed this habit.. prolly gna skid off course, but atleast for the last week.. i have been sleeping by MAX 2AM.. which is a big deal for me.. i sleep by like 8ish [which is when my 1st class starts usually ] and wake up at 4-6ish.. dont know why all of a sudden adaptation of a norm routine, but im sorta enjoying it.. i gotta admit, physically i feel MUCH better.. can plan my day.. not at all lethargic.. got more useful hours whilst the sun is up.. but for what? =\

I caught myself worrying about random things more than once.. twas actually bugging.. my head's so full of skepticism, calculations, stereotypes and assumptions that its bugging me.. its a task thinking about things.. it actually hurts me head.. but then again.. i cant let go of me train of thought now.. can i? 

Dropping a habit of that sort to me is like losing a limb.. literally life changing.. if i did acheive that.. ud see a MUCH brighter version of me.. which is more along the lines of a myth..

A friend of mine just asked me if i was still feeling sorry for myself.. i tot i let that part of me go a long time ago.. ive seen things.. ive lived.. heck.. ive grown.. i know good from bad.. to just give ppl a vivid picture in statement form.. i thank God for everything i have and didnt get and pray this is how its sup. to be.. cos knowing my gloomy and sorrowful nature.. i wouldnt b happy any other way.. innit? =\

Im just a sad person.. waiting to test ppl with my epidemic of negativity and go with the flow of whatever comes my way.. 

RR

Dream #2..

I think this is the second weird dream im posting.. but who's counting rite..?

Anyway.. oready told sum1 this dream.. person couldnt stop laughin whilst i actually felt a lil hurt.. dont even know why.. was just a dream.. and i cant even remember who was there even though when i did first wake up i did remember the.. erm.. "characters".. but now.. like water washing away the paint of a canvas.. im blank!

Wierd Dream #2

[ tis a really weird dream so bear with me reader.. ]

I sat on this sorta bench.. staring at the nothingness that was my scenery.. pleased.. actually happy.. [which is EXTREMELY weird for me.. ] and i see ppl i kno.. they sorta wave and some come up to me and exchange dialogue.. totally irrelevant.. but still.. just tot id mention that..

Then this.. woman.. comes up to me.. and shes talking.. i dont really reconize her.. but i feel this closeness to her.. maybe it was the way she was talking to me.. i couldnt help but be interested.. i could help but.. care.. =\

Shes talking and talking.. her words are hitting me like bullets from the machine gun that is her mouth.. not like shes not giving me a chance to talk.. just that i want to hear more and i just dont feel like interrupting her cos i can see the glee on her face as well.. suddenly.. i smile.. or rather.. my heart's smiling and that smile is portrayed on my face.. the most sincere smile ive ever felt..

Im just looking deep into her eyes and going into this whole other world.. but suddenly.. she stops.. her enthusiasm and happiness deteriorates and is invaded with sorrow and disappointment.. i ask her whats wrong but she just shrugs my questioning off..

We were just sitting on the bench in silence.. and she turned away and looked ahead pondering with the most straight face ive ever seen her showcase. I begged her to tell me if i had done anything or said anything to take her priceless happiness away from her.. but she just delievered a cold and insincere "Nothing.."

She turned to her side, and then she laid back resting her head on my lap.. the guilt was eating me alive.. for even if i hadnt really done anything.. I felt i shouldve done something to stop her from  turning all square and jaded.. i just stroked her head in disappointment in myself..

Dont know how much time had passed.. and how much silence was shared between us.. suddenly this other person comes by and asks me about my long face.. i just go.. "shhhhhhhh.. cant you see she's sleeping..?" the person goes.. "what? ..who you talking about" and i look down to see nothing.. i look to my side of the bench.. and theres nothing.. =\.. what? where'd she go..?

Yaa.. i kinda hated the ending too.. 

Hope every1's ramadhan's going well.. pray and ask dua as much as possible.. inshaAllah it'l all be answered..

Peace..
RR

Slice..

rain rain go away..
come again when i feel more pain..

the ones i love if they'd go away..
i wouldnt want another day..

-Anon

Tu kya aadme hai?

3:05 AM 8/27/2008
I woke up unhappy yearning for her.. throat was parched.. finished a bottle of water and still unsatisfied.. liquid wasnt going to do it.. i needed her..

As i washed up.. i stared in the mirror reminding myself where i was going and what i had to do to make her mine.. quickly got ready and made sure i would be as glee as she would be when she was close to me.. much closer..

i made my way to the place i knew she'd be.. collided into many people i knew but briskly walked by telling them my agenda they just smiled and waved me off.. i began to walk more confident and more purposefully i realized even talking about her made me more happy..

It had been a while since our paths crossed and i yearned to be with her.. to spend the short time we do as usual, alone on our table.. just her and i..
I made it.. looked around with a cocktail of emotions.. anxiety.. nervousness.. excitement.. i felt it all.. then it dawned upon me.. she wasnt there.. again..

How could this be possible.. again?! I went on one by one.. then in denial.. took a step back and let my eyes do the work.. ppl rubbernecked at the state i was in.. subconciously i could feel my fists clench and raise slowly by my side..

I felt my stomach empty even further.. losin feeling in my legs.. random thoughts ran through my head.. what was i going to do now.. i dont think im going to last another day..



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HOW COULD THEY NOT HAVE MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP AGAIN?!
BASTARD BASKIN ROBBINS!! STOCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!

Waa...?

8:34 PM 8/5/2008
Hey.. yaa.. ive been MIA for some time.. theres been a lot happening.. ppl flying out for hols.. ppl leaving for gud.. well.. thats life here i guess..

Mostly though, im js a mess about my papers which i did in June, until i get the results, which is on the 18th of this month, i wont sleep properly. Ppl keep saying dont wory, it doesnt help, blah di blah.. doesnt help.. and doesnt add up to any sorta compensation cos my ACCA hangs in the balance, if i fail ANYTHING i gta go back to CAT to just do that 1 paper and drop all my ACCA papers, and for once even though its hell, i feel like im moving in some sorta direction.

FAK.. thinking about moving in a direction, got an F5 class tomm, and prob with that is im stuck with 1 of the worst lecturers EVER and since i dont really know any1 in the class, its like going for some 2nd language class.. nothing EVER makes sense and every1's pretty zombie like in me class so dont really feel like.. err.. socializing? is that the word? =\

Saad left a couple of days ago.. no real ache with that.. he did more damage than good.. sad to say but completely true.. only thing he left was a HUGE has debt, when broken down involves about 5 different ppl including myself for about 300 bucks respectively..

Watched every freaking thing going on in the cinema, its the whole thing of trying to be in denial about the results, every1's trying to numb feelings of dread and tension.. its sorta helping.. but soon after the publication of the results theres progress tests so its a lose-lose situation if we aint cramming.

Premiership gna start soon.. transfers have been insane ensuring an interesting season, being an Arsenal fan, I dont see a strong title challenge cos we lost our Bulldog, Flamini and our artist Hleb and ended up with soft but potentially good buys, with reference to Nasri and Ramsey, but still.. no raw strength.

Hmm.. wa else wa else.. notin really.. everythin sorta moving in a blurry bullet time.. and life's making it easier to get bitter with every passing day.. =).. yap.. i say it with a smile.. anyway.. ill go now.. maybe start posting sooner.. cya..

Peace..RR
8:45 PM 8/5/2008

A Beau Article..

Any long time Spanish fan would apperciate this article..

[ Btw.. ive been missing for sometime.. just subtly enjoying my holidays which are soon getting over, sis is visiting btw.. which is why i dont have a lot of time with my thoughts and more to post them up.. not that im blaming her.. im just too lazy to squeeze everything into such short days! =p.. God bless.. ]

Enjoi the final every1!!

I aint a football pundit or anythin but..
Prediction
Spain 2 or 3 - Germany 1 ..with the German's scoring an early or a late goal!

x - x - x - x - x

TIME FOR MARRIAGE (29th of June)
I am writing this preview during my brief stopover in London, already on my way to Vienna. Before I started thinking of how to approach this match, the first final we will play in 24 years, I took a look at my past articles during the course of this Euro 2008. Despite being full of expectations, I always compared supporting Spain to dating a girl when you are quite positive it will not work. You talk yourself into her, give her another chance, but deep inside you know that at some point something terrible will happen and you'll feel disappointed and frustrated. And yet again, you end up giving her another go. .

Along the same lines, and after feeling disappointed and frustrated by our national team in seven consecutive World Cups and five Euros, at the beginning of this tournament I talked myself into Spain. I knew the base of players was pretty similar to that of WC06, I knew the gaffer was the same grumpy old man, and I also knew our group was not very tough, but not very easy either. But I felt this time could be different (like every other time you go back with that girlfriend you should not ever date): the team had no internal issues, our midfield looked more structured and indeed world class, and the whole group was exactly what the coach wanted, which had not been the case in two years ago in Germany.

And for once, just for this once, getting back with that old girlfriend has payed off. Sunday night's result does not really matter to me anymore. This journey has given me enough moments to remember so that I think the gamble was worth the risk. In this process we have beaten Italy in a penalty shootout, we have passed the quarterfinals round, and more importantly, we have looked like a team that deserves to be considered as a candidate for title contention, and not a new and improved version of the perennial underachievers.

But that does not mean that I am happy with the second place. That would mean to go back to our usual victimism, that Spanish characteristic that has defined our approach to life and football for a long, excessive time. Following the path of so many Spanish sports and management icons during the last few years, this team has done a sizeable amount of work to erase that national trauma. Now it has to get to the end of it.

And we play Germany, the best representation of the will to win football has even seen. After overcoming our Italian obsession, after demolishing Russia, this is the ultimate test. If we beat the Germans, if we show that we want this win more than they do, we will have finished off that ghost once and for all.

The aim is clear and seems achievable. Germany has looked positively weak at the back and unstable in midfield. They got to the final stage after beating Portugal first, in a match in which the referee's decision influenced clearly on the final result: Ronaldo was intimidated early by some violent fouls and even being stepped on by a German defender, with no punishment from the referee, and their third goal was blatantly illegal after Ballack's foul. This goal, completely against the flow of play, all but ended Portugal's hopes of getting back into the match. Then they had a terrible match against a depleted Turkish squad, but in both encounters they showed a fantastic determination and desire to win. They will need to show that again in Vienna.

Our team can get this job done. I am going to skip the usual pre-match analysis. After experiencing a noticeable evolution during the tournament, our team looks as good as ever. Our defence is confident and reliable, our midfield is the envy of every other European country and even without Villa, Torres and Guiza have proved dangerous in each match. Aragones seems relieved of past issues and has total control of the team, having mastered the substitutions and the tactical changes in every match. And if that was not enough, most neutrals will support us.

Similarly to the Italy match, this will not be a test of our capability of playing football better than the Germans. We know we are a better football team. Rather, this match will actually represent the ultimate challenge of our desire to win the whole thing, overcoming our classic football trauma and becoming a top tier nation from now on.

This is the final proof that this girl deserves my love. It looks like it's time to settle down and marry her. I just need to meet the mother-in-law, and if she does not spit on me, it will be a done deal. Let's get this done. It is about time.

FINAL VERDICT: SPAIN 3 (Torres 2, Fabregas) - Germany 1 (Klose)

x - x - x - x - x

This was written by Eduardo Alvarez from Spain..

Peace
RR

Done With.. [ 2 more left though.. =\ ]

Yesterday at GMT 0700 hrs, I appeared for me CAT T7 paper.. Planning, Control and Performance Management........ ya i know! I bored myself a lil just having said that! I dont think ive ever worked so hard academically for anything in my life!

If me worked half as hard for my O level's.. i would prolly moved a couple letters up in quite a few subjects! =p ..anyway.. when reading the exam paper.. twas 1st like.. it was written in another language.. and feelings of the possibility of failing have having to redo it.. and the fact that i studied for sooooooooooooo long and failing.. i tink a tear was produced! =p..

After breathing for a lil bit.. and blinking a few times.. 8-).. i just started the long paper.. 3 hours was more than enough to finish the paper, but before i got it rolling seemed like the clock was moving to fast and i was too blank! =\

I inevitably did that thing where i promise myself il prepare better nxt time.. ya riite!

Well.. i got an easier paper tomm.. T4.. but then the problem is around the corner.. T9 on the 10th.. i havent prepared for that at all.. i do realize its easier than something like costing.. BUT.. when you dont know tax.. its not like you can fluke any of it.. you gotta know the fact, formats and dates.. =\.. well.. il have 4 full days to study for that.. heres to passing! *cheers*

Yallah.. im off..
Peace..
RR

Most Beautiful Girl in the Room..

Some time ago.. i watched me cousin playing the guitar.. and i couldnt help meself.. so i learnt how to play too.. soon realizing i had no real musical talent! =p.. luckily for me i soon found football! =D

Anyway, every once now i gta strum on a guitar with the stuff i learnt and like to hear.. latest addiction being ANYTHING from Flight Of The Conchords.. so i borrowed Rashmi's guitar and learnt Most Beautiful Girl in the Room.. its an awesome song! =D.. quite simple to play too..!

Youtube the shit to check it out.. llol..

Flight Of The Conchords
Most Beautiful Girl in the Room

Looking at the room, I can tell that you.
Are the most beautiful girl in the...room.
(In the whole wide room).
And when you're on the street, depending on the street.
I bet you are definitely in the top three.
Good lookin' girls on the street.
(Depending on the streets).
And when I saw you at my mate's place.
I thought...what, is she, doing...at my mate's place.
How did he get a hottie like that to a party like this?
Good one, Dave.
(Ooh, you're a legend, Dave).

I asked Dave if he's going to move on you.
He's not sure.
I said "Dave, do you mind if I do?"
He says he doesn't mind.
But I can tell he kind of minds.
But I'm going to do it anyway.

I see you standing all alone by the stereo.
I dim the lights down to very low, here we go
You're so beautiful.
You could be a waitress.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a air hostess in the 60s.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a part-time model.
But then I seal the deal, I do my moves.
I do my dance moves.

Lets travel through, just me and you.
As other dudes around you on the dance floor.
I draw you near, lets get out of here.
Lets get in a cab. I'll buy you a kabob.
I can't believe. I'm sharing a kabob.
With the most beautiful girl I have ever seen with a kabob.
Oh, why don't we leave?
Lets go to my house.
We can feel each other up on the couch.
Oh no, I don't mind taking it slow.

Cause you're so beautiful...
Like a tree. Or a high class prostitute.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a part time model.
But you'd probably still have to keep your normal job.
A part time model.
Spend part of your time modeling.
And part of your time next to me.

My place is usually a bit tidier than this.

Dream..

I was telling.. err.. i cant really remember whom.. but i had this dream..

This didnt really fit in the conversation i was having.. but me friend spoke about this amusing dream he had.. n i just finished with my 2 cent..

Hmm.. i was in this bed.. i dont know if i had like some terminal disease or I was seriously injured.. but i was sitting up in the this bed in a place which looked like a hospital room. There were a handful of ppl just telling me im going to be oryt soon.. but i was just all neutral.. not showing any real emotion.. dont really remember why or why not.. you gta bear with me.. was a dream!

Soon.. my condition declined.. i think i was in a coma.. cos i was getting a first person view of what i looked like in me bed.. and when i looked down, i was wearing the same thing as myself in me bed and for some reason.. everyone around me looked really shocked or sad and i wasnt able to converse with anyone.. very interesting scene to have dreamt about..

Later on.. figure in a black robe came.. i was looking round for a sickle.. but couldnt see one.. but my suspiciousions were right.. as the figure came closer.. the more the monitor showed decline, the more ppl around me looked distressed and the wider my smile grew standing nxt to me dying body..

*teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet* said the monitor like a never ending censor sound.. every1 just stood there in silence, some in acceptance and some in disbelief.. I calmly followed the figure out of the door following the gentleman in the black robe.. just glanced back before completing my exit into the complete darkness with my ear to ear grin!

I must say.. i dont remember enjoying a dream as much as this..

Peace..
RR

Losses..

I was just thinking about all the mistakes ive done, and even couldve done! *

[ * ya yaaa!! ive had a lot of time! Thats what happens when you start studying in the morning real early, you end up with a lot of time to ponder and day dream.. so ya..! ]

Its a little funny.. you dont want to claim that you got regrets cos its not worth it either wayy.. but you do.. but then again.. whats life without those really stupid and dumb decisions. Whether its just you being immature and big headed..

Life wouldnt be complete without heartache.. you wouldve led to good a life to learn how life is such a bitch! It'd be like only meeting one side of a person, so you like that person a little too much and every1's biching about that person and you have nothing bad to say! =p

Life wouldnt be complete without you feeling like a total loser all alone.. it'd be too good if you never felt like you were the only person on the planet.. no1 understood you.. and you were insignificant!

Life wouldnt be complete if you didnt feel one sided love.. I cant recall exactly [ =p ] but its 1 of the most painful and hopeless things to sprial in emotionally.. its so pathetic and almost nothing helps with the way your feeling.. but if you havent felt it.. youve missed out! =D

Life wouldnt be complete if youve ever reached a place youve dreamt of being, and didnt find happiness.. its basically the point where youve been given every single thing you've wanted.. every1 said exactly what you wanted them to say.. but for some reason.. you know your happiness' isnt real and for some reason you cant smile sincerely!
This is just an example and I hope it never happens to you, but there are these ppl who wait & wait to end up with someone.. imagine like marrying this person you were hung over and waited forever to be with.. and when you do end up with them, they dont even make you happy..... sucks huh? Like all twilight zone-ish! =D

I once had this dream.. tis like.. I was playing this big match.. I remember standing in the line up.. red jersey, black shorts.. these amazing shoes! =p.. Every1 has this fantasy of scoring in the dying minutes.. and thats the oppotunity I got.. at death.. the ball rolls to me.. just me and the keeper left.. im all calm.. the keeper waits to see whether I dash or shoot.. I choose my target and let go.. he jumps to my left whilst Ive oredy foxed right.. the shot for the 90 in the top right side.. curves.. curves.. curves.. tamely hits the pole and goes out for a goal kick and the final whistle is blown. At that point.. all I saw was people screaming running around.. and I just stood there alone.. until everything went black and I was just looking at the floor wishing I could have my moment back..

Wasnt even real and Im scared! =p

Lol.. still laughing about the last 1.. anyway.. futsal now.. im off..

RR
Peace..

Plans..

People should be more specific when they say plan.. sometimes.. things happen.. people change.. heck sometimes you just broke! Doesnt mean you just sit on your hands waiting for things to work your way... right? =\.. well.. easier said than done for me.. guilty of numb hands!

Like a stint of The Alchemist sometimes the world does conspire against you, although one would see it as against, in time you'd prolly realize that it was conspiring FOR you.. but sometimes the pain, anguish and failures a lil too much for an average person to absorb and they helplessly give up as they drown in their sorrow and despair.

Its easy to say dont give up and believe yourself forgetting anyone else preaching it to your broken-self.. but I do say be patient, even if im not going to listen to it myself.. it is a virtue and if you dont work well with virtues, let me just say it PAYS good!

Its hard to believe that change is sometimes good when it feels so bad all the time, but when the door does close and you do find that window that supposedly opens up.. you never know what the view is going to be innit? Might as well stagger and wade through the dejection and have a peak!

RR

Letting Go..

As we laughed and laughed, it seemed as though it would never end.. we knew it would, but like I said.. it seemed! Sometimes you never thought people of this sort could cause ANY impact on you, but I guess you'd never realize if they werent around in the first place! You'd never know what you were missing if you didnt have it in the first place innit?

It was good enough for us though, we knew we'd never be at the same table together, the same people who enjoyed eachother's company like this. People sometimes prove to be worse than anything you could ever imagine with regard to change.. whether its fame, money, time, distance or just plain old peer pressure.. but I guess people change but memories live on..

Its a shame but people have to move along on the roads of their lives.. what is life without the journey.. the relationships.. the letting go and the heartache! Letting go is never easy, but most of the time its not by choice of course, so coping is inevitable!

As we closed up the conversation, we walked back to where Id have to see them off.. it was one of the slowest walks I'd ever have to go through, for we knew we'd spilt directions for the last time.. wasnt the most pleasant thought! My previous sarcastic statement being the most mild understatement Ive ever have to express!

Alas, we reached the end.. a sincere sadness overcame my whole body.. its not like the person had even left my sight yet, but it was as if I had already lost a part of me.. thing is.. its not easy to come by people who'll supply you never ending kicks without drugs, booze or something which society condemn's "acceptable" =p.. but when those people do swing by, I can assure you, your memory will never fail you for they really were something else!

... *sigh*

As I realized my voice wasnt within reach of any ears.. I already felt alone..
I did feel sad for myself.. but I knew I'd have to recover.. for soon enough.. I'd have to let someone else go too.. wasnt going to be easy.. but I'll get by inshaAllah..

Peace..
RR

Its Just Sad..

Its just sad when the best part of the day is when you sitting alone in the dark.. a lethargic insomniac.. just being paper cut by thoughts you dont even want to have.

Although, sometimes thats all your left with.. even though there are people around, you know talking aint going to suffice the emptiness of such a hollow emotion.

You walk on the path of nothingness, gazing in other people's lives of unappreciation and abuse.. you kinda forget about yourself, but then again you never did take yourself seriously. Its a steep drop to pain which you dont feel anyway. Everything you talk about and every person you meet doesnt really fill in the blanks, just sorta deferring and skipping things you have got to take care of and accomplish, but we all knew that nothing was vivid enough to make sense of.. just like what you just read.. =)

Salams
RR

Fact is..

Life isnt a hard pathway to just trudge along.. you will trip.. you will inevitably fall on your face.. and like Adam West found out, you will be reminded that you are a tomato! .....what? Suddenly I cant be lame? =p

Fact is, more than often, people are going to only be there for you when they want to, not when you need them..

People are going to come to you, only when they need to, and not to just be with you.

You are going to be let down more often that not.. this is all factual, its not like im making this up or trying to wipe out the pixie dust out of your eyes. Even the people you love and are vunerable towards are going to sprinkle large amounts of salt over your wounds before dipping your impaled and paper-cut body into a large pool of concentrated lemon juice.

BUT, the season finale all comes down to how you respond to the reality of the situation.. possibly, HORRIBLY wrong.. some people are all shattered and traumatized.. but you got to be ready to be hit in the face, and you got to be able to walk and eventually live it off.. no matter how deep in the pit you fall.

Some people believe love is the answer.. leaning on top of eachother and caring.. thing is.. when it comes to all of those things, focusing isnt the key.. consistancy and variance.. if you love and care.. its got to be for more than one person.. [ unless you oredy married i guess.. =\ ] but then still, you got to be aware of what people going through and give a crap about your surroundings.

"FOR GODS SAKE THERE ARE PEOPLE DYING!"
Famous line we use when people leave excess food on their plate! =p

Fact is, when you need someone the least, your just not on the recieving end.. YET!

Truth is you'd never know when someone needs to talk about nothing, or just need the company, life isnt that easy and people aint that simple. Its like the phenomena about women and their shoes or guys and their.. =\.. err.. whats so complicated about us simpletons again? =S

Fact is, when you do good things, its probably going to go unnoticed and unappreciated.. doesnt mean you just give up and turn into a greedy bich cos you aint making a profit! =p.. somethings just cant be pawned off in value. If you dont feel that warm fuzzy feeling, its kind of a shame.. but anyway its more than that.

From loving thy neighbour to accepting one another as your brother and sister.. we got to take care of eachother..

Every one of us has been taken care off, its a wonderful feeling.. just imagine that from every person you met.. of course.. thats a world which cannot exist..

but maybe, just maybe instead of feeding every hungry mouth, we could check if they hungry.

..instead of stopping one's tears, maybe we could wipe a few.

..before cleaning the whole world of filth, maybe we could start with the people around us and ourselves.. wouldnt that be just dandy? =)

Aiite, thats it from my excessive thoughts.. nity nite!

Salams
RR

The Students Become The Masters

5:42 AM 3/5/2008

About 10 minutes ago, Arsenal FC slammed AC Milan at the San Siro 0-2 during the return leg after a 1st leg score line of 0-0 at the Emirates Stadium. I say "slammed" mostly because every article I read, from Team Vs Team previews to match predictions, not one article predicted a 0-2 for Arsenal.. but then again, thats why we love the sport.. its almost worse than life.. for all the twists and shocks are stuffed into approximately 90 minutes, thats a lil too much for an average person to handle!!

After continuous pressure in search of the opener, Arsenal out performed in every department! I know what you think "this guys an Arsenal fan, duhhh thats what he's going to say after having won 0-2" but truth is, AC Milan did pull of a few scares, but more than 90% of the time [ btw, 100% is like less than 10 times =\ ] they didnt even bother Almunia, who played quite brillantly, standing strong and even dealing with a very cheeky Pirlo freekick which did make my heart skip a beat!

Sagna & Clichy were guilty of over committing a handful of times, but made up for every little error by playing wonderfully down the flanks. Our favourite Swiss bastard, Senderos did make a few bad decisions, but the score line suggests that he conclusively successfully did his job, suprisingly, he didnt even get booked.

Eddy was INSANE!! I have never seen him such a bother amongst defenders, and we aint talking about just ANY defenders.. I referring to Maldini, one of the most prestigious left backs who did play left centre this match, and also the oldest scorer in the Champions League.. also "bugged" Nesta, a big, tall defenders, who carries with him some of the highest defensive stats especially regarding one on one's and set pieces and significantly lastly, Oddo, one old fool, but still, played well.. but like I said, the Arsenal left side was a little to bright for a the old chap, with Man of the Match Hleb, Clichy and Diaby combining to leave AC Milan just scratching their balding, ageing heads.

Before Speedy Walcott sprinted on, Eboue played a hasty game, just before half time, he over stepped offside when he couldve patiently waited for the ball and just when you thought you forgave him for being an idiot, he misses a completely clean shot on goal with NO ONE on him, seriously, I expect you to ATLEAST hit the keeper if not score aiite Emmanuel?

Even though if Kaka wasnt closed down and hit hard enough by the likes of Hleb, Fab and Diaby, Walcott was brought on whilst the score was 0-0 to add speed to the wings taking off the flawfull and more importantly booked Eboue who I assumed wouldve earned his 2nd yellow, and Walcott brought Kaka's hell along with him COMPLETELY ending any hopes of Kaka being an impact.

I was appauled by the referee's decision making, maybe it was because we needed an away goal so badly and Hleb DID NOT DIVE!!! Hleb is the last person in the Arsenal squad to dive.. we all know who the first one is.. yes yes.. Lehmann!

Whatever the case, with a somewhat silent start to the 2nd half, Fab took a couple of steps away from one defender, getting closer to two, with not much space, slashed a beautiful shot, and scored............................no one believed it, but when it did sink we, we did what was right! Cheered and cheered and began to message everyone else who was watching the match, which seems a little silly for they knew that we had scored! =p

In the end, whilst AC pushed and pushed for a goal, which wouldnt have been sufficient anyway, Walcott slipped through, and what seemed to be a silly tackle pulled of by Kaladze if Im not mistaken, he paces through and cuts it square onto the other side of the box & Eddy just sticks his leg out, squeezing the lemon over the wounds of AC Milan to see them off in their own stadium.........OUCH! x\

Oh well, any neutral fan wouldve seen what a great team Arsenal can be when it game is played by two prestigious teams who play their game instead of using tactics such as needless agression and dirt, which is what all football fans want to see in any match.

So with having blown Champions League WIDE open, I leave ya'll..

Oh ya.. also, Im quite thrilled with having accomplished something Man Utd & Liverpool tried so, so very hard to pull over AC between their recent meetings, what can I say.. Money Cant Buy Away Wins In Europe.

Peace..
RR

6:09 AM 3/5/2008

Its Been A While..

Damn.. its been a while huh?

Think I'm going to be one of those people who started a blog and fade away.. claiming to not have enough time because of a busy shedule..  that'd just be said innit? =\

Quite honestly, I have been busy.. and studying quite a bit.. thing is.. with ACCA/CAT you gotta be working hard or atleast consistantly.. its not that its so hard.. its just that you gotta cover a lot of theory and a vast syllabus!

Hmm.. although dont get me wrong, Ive been doing a good share of chillin too. Not a lot of thoughts floating around though.. which is why I didnt really publish anything!

Theres alot of Football coming up, for me & for the general viewing public. In fact, tonight, Arsenal going away to the San Siro to try and overcome a 0-0 home draw against AC Milan to get to the Final 8 of the Champions League, & God, I hope they make it, only cos then the only thing we going to have left to compete in is the EPL.

In College, we have the Inter-Programme Tounry, and this season I have a good feeling about it, inshaAllah I'll get some silverware this time! =D

Also soon after that, theres the Inter-College tourny, and that gets even more tight! Chooooooiy!!!

Some good posts coming up fools! =D

Stick around!

God Bless.. Peace!
RR

Happy Birthday & Good bye..

Well, another b'day has passed, something subtly never agreed upon by my mum & dad, dont know how it can be a debatable issue, but, Mum considers its the 30th, and Dad wishes me on the 31st.. for some reason I dont really care about either. Ive always hated my birthday so reasons I dont think I owe to anyone to explain.

To me, a birthday is the passing of an year, even more significantly that New Year's.. you probably look back and have things to be happy about & things to regret, but you probably missed out on a handful of things and opportunities you'll never get back!

Ive always hated my birthday, and things aint ever going to change, although not along the same lines with respect to emotion. Yesterday, on the 1st of Feb, I was told by Ammar's Younger brother who's still studying in Dubai that one of my good friends had passed away in an accident the previous day.

I say good, cos this specific dood was the brother of my friend. I wish, from the deepest part of my heart that I could be next to Ahmed, to just be there for him, & more over for him to be there for me, cos I am completely shattered.

Usually, a close friend of your brothers wouldnt get close or would even hardly associate with you, but the brother-hood of Mustafa Tawfiq and Ahmed Tawfiq is one like no other. They'd do anything for eachother and have had eachothers backs forever, which is why I even know Mustafa. And I thank God for blessing me with his company!

Mustafa's a mild mix of Ahmed Tawfiq who is definately one in a million, cept has his own twist of unique characteristics, good friend, caring, funny.. these are all cliches! The emotions we shared is what leaves me blubbering and tear-filled!

After the endlessly hours of football we played, countless laughs and listening to his urdu in his arab dialect.. I am pleased that I met him this time in my visit to dxb, or I dont how worse I would be feeling right now!

I, personally still dont believe it happend, and I will not stop shedding tears randomly thinking about the times we shared in school, out of school and im too broken to even think of every other time! Even though I wept and wept embarassingly, I wished deep down inside, sincerely that someone would jump out and tell me that I was punk'd.. I just dont want to believe it i guess..

When speaking to Ahmed, I helplessly broke down, and will do so everytime for the next couple of days as I think about the reality of what has happened and I thank God for giving Ahmed strength to bear the intensity of the happenings, because for Ahmed, its not losing a brother, its not losing a friend.. its losing a part of him and its never going to be the same, if not for me, how for him?

My prayers are with Ahmed and his family, and most of all Mustafa..
You Shall be missed dearly by every single person who knew you..
Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Illayhi Raji3oon..

RR

Ingredients..

Taste is one of the few things that can never be duplicated, not 100% atleast. Its got a touch, of personality and ambience, metaphorically speaking, friends are like restaurants we keep going back to, to feel a series & sets of emotions that we enjoyed and will keep enjoying for the years to come. Just like we miss a restaurant that we might have stopped going to, we'll miss the friends we've left behind or who have moved away in this roller coaster ride with call life.

Friends being restaurants, the cuisine would be their habits and the things we did with them, with relevance to type of activities. My closest friend and I, since we've met, we've bought been through a lot together, but forever we've been laughing through it all, for it became habit to take everything with a stint of humour and laugh at things no matter how bad they were as they come & go. From joy riding to wasting time doing nothing, we both were up to speed with how the other felt & enjoyed where ever we ended up.

Cuisine being habits, manners & tempermental tendencies, dishes conjuered by a restaurant, metophorically speaking would be the moments you've shared with ur respectful friend or friends. Whatever dish you've been served, good or bad, joyful or sad, its something that lingers in rememberance, reincarnated by nostalgia and would have probably forever scared you. Its how one becomes stronger, learns from his or her mistakes and comprehends decision making for the rest of their lives.

And lastly, dishes being the moments, the ingredients would play the role of the morals. Every individual has different morals, comes from different sources, from the extent of religious beliefs to the simplicity of having read about traits in a book, all in all, we all have different limits to our conscience and extents to our withstanding of guilt, some of us cannot lie to even a random person & some just cant stop making up facts in an attempt to achieve something as irrelevant as attention, whatever the case, the morals, or ingredients define our own respectful, individual opinion of the restaurant itself. Some restaurants maybe too spicy for us, some friends maybe too daring, but then again excess spice and being fearless might just be what your looking for innit? =)

Well, you get my drift..

So lets step into as many restaurants as possible, be a little brave with the cuisine, enjoy delectable dishes and appreciate the ingredients used, that would probably end you up with quite a few priceless friendships.. but then again.. what do i know? =D

Comments appreciated..
Salams..
Rushdi

The Slow Pretty Part..

9:17 AM 1/14/2008

There was this one song i was listening to.. and twas live so.. when it comes to the bridge of the song.. the dood says, "This is the slow pretty part". I kinda had to listen to that part more than once to kinda enjoi it and more importantly just to suffice something inside me.

Anyway, this whole uni thing, staying up late whether to complete assignments or smoke crack, trying to be focused, the trying to be responsible, striving for the most, hooking up or watever it is you do, this is the slow pretty part in our lives. Although, we only going to see it as "pretty" when we rewind and look back at it all later on, for now, its a mini-hell which we are quite literally fighting to just survive!

When we were lil, the sky was the limit, and the world was our play ground, fear was not a feeling we understood so we did it all, but things have changed now that we've passed a number of birthdays, met different people who spoke to us about different experiences, read books and newspapers which forced our minds to think in a more society entertaining manner and shaped the way we would approached a situation. Basically, when we were kids, we were the beginning of any song worth listening to.. very, in your face, and from the heart! Lies were only told white, if we told someone we loved them, it wasnt for money or lust.. it was cos we really really did! =)

Later on, or rather quite soon, we going to reach the end of our song. Its going to be the conclusion, our conclusion rather, significant and containing a lot of substance, but not worth much for its soon going to fade away into silence. Although, let not the fact that the inevitable silence makes our long term future important, cos whatever our ending sounds like, it sets the mood and tone for the next song, the next generation.

So lets enjoy our "slow pretty" parts, take a deep breath everytime we think we losing it & achieve as much as we can, cos the next time you listening to the slow pretty part, you dont want to be sigh'ing and groaning, and trust me, the crappier you make this part, the more they going to be playing it! =D

Im off..
Cya later.. salams..
Rusty

9:36 AM 1/14/2008