Not Giving Up.. On Nothing..

Well.. like the title says.. again something very awkward & unorthodox..

Its about my exams.. hell.. about my course!

Dont zactly love accounting.. but hell.. aint about my course specifically.. dont understand it.. tis like.. for 1 of the few times, i dont have fear of anything about this.. i aint afraid of failing.. AT ALL!!

I mean, I know, there are some students who use fear as fuel to prepare them for examinations.. for some the fuel injects quite late.. im the latter.. but still.. this late aint even coming! Even after failing.. theres no emotion.. no disappointment.. no regret.. no.. feeling that I must do better the next time!

Ive tried studying.. tried concentrating.. now it doesnt seem like i EVER tried.. but i did.. now Ive kinda given up.. although.. i aint sure if i actually have or not.. =\..

One of my lecturers.. she emphasizes on not giving up.. shes like one of these wannabe motivational ppl.. but mos of the time she seems just an old skool bich! Cant blame her though.. tis part of her job!

When ever she aint a bich.. shes that motivational speaker i was telling you about.. she like quotes sites like "pravs.com".. maybe even "Santabanta.com".. kinda get sick of it though! Its like gettin the same forwarded email ova & ova.. familiarity breeds comtempt.. further familiarity just breeds frustration & anger i guess!! =)

I kept telling myself.. dont give up.. but then it finally hit me.. wt the hell am i giving up on ? =\..

Aint like Im preparing for the exam of life.. geez.. just a freaking subject.. should we really be taking it so the extent where we think about it day & night..? =\ =S

She takes academics to the next level.. and her career.. she thinks its a big deal..

In reality.. she like 30-something.. & she doesnt have anything to reflect upon cept her credentials! I mean, by 30 I'd wanna be married, prolly have a kid or two.. not just coaching students 24/7.. telling them how important passing their examinations and getting good grades are.. whatever happened to having fun.. just relaxing.. to her, working on academics is doing calculations & relaxing is doing theory! =\

Her influence has even spread to a couple of students.. class rep.. i duno if i should give his blog add or not.. but.. he has kinda laid down his "estimated" life.. you know.. when he graduates.. when he gets employed.. when he gets married.. etc etc.. he estimates getting married at 35!!!

YA!! I KNOW!! THIRTY FIVE!!!!

His muscles are going to be quite hard on his preferred hand.. he might even want to turn ambidextrous after making love to himself so many times!

People.. life aint about academics.. or how much money you earn..

Its what type of person you choose to become.. how you sacrifice and compromise for others.. WHAT YOU DO for others.. i mean.. actions speak louder than words innit? =\..

Your actions in this life.. they gna speak me louder.. longer.. & more truthfully than any words you can ever utter!

More than what you say.. becareful what you do..!

Salams + tc

RR

Mad World..

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad world


Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World.

Ramadhan.. Day 13.. or 14.. =\.. not sure! =D

Ello..

Lets start with the lame stuff bout myself..
Well.. ramadhan's cool.. everyone's looking happier and brighter.. cept for a few cases who dont really fast properly.. as in.. prayer-less fasts.. swearing n stuff.. doesnt really count innit? =\.. anyway.. lets hope these ppl change themselves so that everythings accepted and stuff for their sake.. the people around them will be held responsible for their wrong actions as well.. this is the part that gets me down.. but im just happy with doing my job as informant, i cant be as persistent as im supposed to be i guess.. lets hope God forgives me for that!

We playing for this cricket tournament tomorrow.. tis all for fun.. cos our team kinda sux! =).. so we have no real choice cept to play for fun.. i hope it goes well.. as in.. least we get off the pitch with our dignity.. least a lil of it! =D

The Meaty Stuff Of This Post

A good friend of mine admitted that she was struck by the blues when I pointed out she seemed.. "different" she was a lil busy.. but we did kinda have a productive chat about what was going on!

It started with the usual "Life Really Stinks.." , as we all know, thats kinda overrated now.. not that we wouldnt agree & use that as an excuse.. forget excuse.. sometimes when you sitting all alone.. just thinking about nothingness.. you just conclude that life does really suck!

I mean.. whats to like.. its all negativity and hopeless.. death & loss.. the list just keeps going on & on.. but still.. dont mean we cant try & make it a better place innit?

Its not easy to look at this horrible place with a vision of hope & good.. but an attempt atleast? ..is that too much to ponder about?

The answer can be forever debated upon.. but still.. lets take for example.. me being amongst the biggest pessimist on the planet.. its mostly limited to myself.. actually.. dont take myself as an example.. =p.. I am my own poison.. its just sad & pathetic to think about.. inshaAllah some1 or something will come along & change this part of me.. until then.. bleh! x| =D

We being among the blessed.. as in.. fully functional.. we aint crippled.. we've got everything we need to try and improve what this horrible place has become! I don't think its going to happen.. but no harm thinking about it innit? =\

We dont always get what we want.. we dont get all the money we want.. we dont get the love we yearn for.. we dont always feel like we belong.. we dont always see eye to eye.. but that doesnt mean we cant achieve what we want.. doesnt mean we cant love back unconditionally.. doesnt mean we cant do great things.. doesnt mean we cant compromise & unite to help ourselves & ppl around us..

Life does suck.. doesnt mean we just sulk through all of it.. tis hard to even find the little things to enjoy these days.. i know! Be warned.. i aint telling ya to get stoned or get drunk to suffice any negative feelings you might have repressed within yourself.. emotions like this.. dont go away.. they can be ignored.. but they will be back soon enough!

One remedy I've kinda learned over the times is.. as in.. takes away the hollow-ness out of this seemingly pointless life is to do something you've always wanted to do.. whether its to confess your love for this chick you've always liked.. [ or dood u like for some of you guys out there ] or it might be even more silly, like bungee jumping! Just a new experience.. kinda numbs the pointlessness for quite a bit! =D

Hmmm.. lets hope I've made sense.. till b sad to have wasted so much of your time endlessly & to no prevail.. inshaAllah then.. i await the comments! =D

Salams + tc
RR

Ramadhan.. Day.. Unknown..

Just finished watching this movie.. Major Payne.. I watched it first when I was like 9 or 10 or something.. I still find it hilarious! =D

I remember it quite vivid.. the night I watched the tape which my sister had rented.. my dad KICKED my ass for something I [obviously] shouldnt have done! =).. twas a nice way to end a night which I had received such an unforgettable ass whopping!

Spinning Rooms & Knowledge-less Study Sessions
I dont know what to do anymore.. Ive fought off all emotions to skip & bunk classes, n Im making it to pretty much all my classes.. & im hating it.. but hey.. no1 said I had to love then innit? Now im coming to the problem of studying! ..i mean.. i kno thats a problem every1 faces.. but i consider myself in a different league.. cos i hate something about my course.. I know i use the term "hollow" alot.. but it really is a hollow hate!

You this kinda hate where you look at a person & just go "You know.. i dont really know that person.. but i hate him/her!!" ..=D.. i know some1 who shares that same emotion as me.. tis brilliant to talk about the ppl we secretly hate every once in a while! =D

One of me friends just saw my PM which says summin about failing.. again! [Btw.. i just came back frm my 2nd test in 3 days.. & my hunch is, i failed both.. =\ ] he was just telling me.. "Study.. girls will come & go" ..i just started laughing and asked if he knew when they were coming! =D

Sometimes things seem much simpler than they are.. quite honestly.. if i could blame all this inconsistency, immaturity & odd behaviour on a girl.. id b quite satisfied.. having a reason is all i need.. i have nothing here.. im just alone with my pessimism.. that aint gna fly.. SERIOUSLY!

Anyway.. I got about 3 weeks until my mocks.. inshaAllah.. i'll mend my pathetic academic ways.. somehow.. i just gotta! =\..

Like this bangla dood keeps saying to me.. "Say dua for me..!"

Salams + tc
RR

Ramadhan.. Day 4..

Salams!
Tis ramadhan oredy! ..yeap! real fast! I know! =D

Well.. four days have gone.. still a long way to go to eid! Its kinda nice to see every1 suffer without swearing & smoking! Basically, its nice to see them become better people! =)

Nice to hear more Quran & recite and feel that subtle good feeling we all haven't had for a long time, I bet I can get a handful of people to agree with me! Ive recognized that people, even though they are more silent and easily uptight whilst the fasting period which is from Sunrise to Sunset, but still, they seem MORE happy after that!

Theres no real logical explanation.. there are actual smiles on people's faces.. the real one's.. not those hollow, unrealistic one's! =D

Geez.. i got SOOOO much work to make up for.. its kinda ridiculous.. i have NO idea what I've been doing all this time!

I should start up on my work btw.. =D.. I'll holla at ya people some other time!

Enjoi urself until the next time..
Salams + tc

...

A friend of mine showed me these lyrics from a song [which kinda sux btw!].. which kinda spoke to me.. just like it spoke to him.. we both had the same look in our eyes when we were reading the lyrics.. & walked away slowly with the same smile thinking about it all..

Its odd.. this friend of mine.. is SOOO different from me.. but its scary on how many levels we are similar.. =\.. just scary..

Anyway.. read & enjoi..

Lonely Wont Leave Me Alone

(David Foster, Jermaine Jackson, Tom Keane, K.Wakefield)

---

Why do I seem to be caught up inside a dream. 
All my life, it's always been my shadow and me.
Over my shoulder there's always a voice somewhere
saying I never should try to set my heart free.
I wish that love would come and take me in her arms.
Show me what I've never known.
Where I could hold someone adn words like right and wrong
just fade away like yesterday.

Lonely won't leave me alone.
Lonely won't leave me alone.
Why, tell me why, won't even let me fall in love.
Oooooh everywhere I go
Always by my side
Won't even let me fall in love.

I try and say I love you but the words won't come through.
In my eyes, see all  the tears and sad memories. 
Why cna't I start out new and leave that old feeling
too far behind.  I guess that lonely needs company.
Around each bend of road, I'm thinking that in time there
will be that rainbow's end.  But when I follow
those self illusions I find that it's only lonely and me again.

Lonely won't leave me alone.
Lonely won't leave me alone.
Why, tell me why lonely just keeps my heart out of touch.
Oooooooh everywhere I go
Always by my side
Won't even let me fall in love.

Lonely won't leave me alone.
I wish that love would come
Lonely won't leave me alone.
and take me home.
Lonely...
Lonely won't let me fall in love.

Leave me alone.
I wish that lonely...
Lonely won't leave me alone.
love would come..
Lonely...
Lonely won't let me fall in love.

Changes & Alot Of Other Shit..

I was reading this blog.. a friend of mine..

I was past the 1st two lines.. last word I read was "change is difficult".. I just closed the window!

Being human, we know change is inevitable.. soon enough.. being the malleable humans that we are.. ppl like myself just become numb & unchanged to things manipulating at every lil interval & every bump they call reality in this life we are forced to lead & try to live to the fullest.

As I sat in a smoke filled room which wasn't my own, which had random tracks lightly thumping on speakers which happened to be mine.. =p.. I was being flooded with memoirs of school & what I had called home once.. & instead of concentrating on such BS tots.. i kinda winced away from it all when I started chatting away with a few close ppl on me MSN list.. sadly.. they left abruptly.. not very happy about it cos I really felt like a good chat.. to my inconvenience.. some people actually do have lives! =D

So I'm back here.. with my twisted mental thoughts.. & nothing else but a keyboard to work with..

Back to my initial topic.. change.. err.. some people have it so farking bad.. you could throw anything at them.. any scenario.. any condition.. & neither would they blink.. nor would they flinch.. I've always wanted to be among those people cos they've killed a human part of them.. how cool is that huh?

Thing is.. some people just have to feel the emotion.. some people dont find it worth it.. some people just have to hate.. some people just have to cry.. you cant stop them.. its an animal, gut, animal.......yet human emotion!

Think about it.. everything you know, revolves around changes.. from evolution to your own life..

You don't think you going to be in the same school from the day you start academics till the day you graduate.. hell.. I can bet you ain't going to be in the same country!
You don't think you going to be friends with the people you hung out with high school for the rest of your life innit? ..i can bet it wont last past your 2nd semester!

Being human means we changing without even knowing it! =D..

Perfect examples being.. we all have that friend who's convinced he's found love every other month.. & even though you might find it humorous & think the dood's on crack.. he's pretty serious on more than 1 level! =)
...even something as simple as our song preference.. changes every week probably! =D

Why does change shock us so much then?! Why are we caught off guard?
Not like you didn't know things were going to change.. sigh.. tis all sad but true! =\..

[ on a conclusive note.. i lost my point.. yet again! =D.. tis too freaking early to clean my mess up! im going to sleep.. inshaAllah holla lata.. 1st post for Sept! yay!! go me! =D.. ]

salams + tc..
RR