Time after time..

Just realized another year almost gone by.. lots has happened.. i didnt even realize that it did pass.. tis a lil sad.. but we all know time wasting was inevitable..

Twas John Lennon who said Time wasted was not wasted.. sounds good i guess.. done!

Relationships have been made and lost.. and so have ppl. Some of them rekindled some crashed and burnt and subtly settled in an unspoken rubble. There were twists and turns in the countless lives we shared with the countless ppl.

We lost a couple of ppl here and there who had to leave for different reasons.. maybe they were done with their academics and some left cos it was just written in the stars.. God bless um..

So after the taboccos burnt.. beers drunk.. ligaments torn.. ppl mugged.. failed papers.. missed classes.. love lost.. love found.. hell even love wasted.. we all still here.. with our broken smiles and uncertainty.. thats pretty good taking into consideration how much we worry about tomorrow and how the path we on is treating us and how spontaneously we use the time we know we have left b4 we all move onward to our own respective & seperate directions..

Pretty empty post huh? =D

I tot i was moving in some sorta direction.. ended up with nothing much.. o well! *shrug*

Peace

RR

Superstar..

Thats what mos ppl hu i play futsal with call me.. not my boys of course.. to my boys im just a good player.. with my boys its like.. umm.. how do i put it.. its like when you eat a delicacy over and over again.. its no longer a delicacy.. its the norm.. so yaa..

I think they call me superstar cos they cant pronounce or remember my name.. heck i aint complaining.. my nick name on the football team in high school was mouse.. cos with my speed id pop outta places n stuff.. so superstar def. BIG improvement!

Anyway, today Ahmed forced me to play in this weekly tourny they organize.. i was def. his last resort cos he was literally at my doorstep begging me to play.. i was declining in my chuddi outside my door the whole time, but he outside the grill was only gna accept one answer.. and apart from futsal i oredy give in really easy.. so for futsal.. it wasnt hard to convince me.

I made it there on time, was a short wait for our first game.. looked like Ahmed couldnt sum up his usual dream team, was a bunch a no1's on our side against a star studded side.. no need for names cos you prolly wouldnt cross check n e way, although you can take my word for it.

10 mins, two halves.. you gotta win two games to progress.. simple enough..
I was having a ball as usual.. shouting orders out even though i didnt know my team as well as i would usually.. thing is when it comes to futsal.. team work is crucial.. as is individual performance.. team play always boots a ball hog wannabe hero!

I scored from an assist for Captian Ahmed who toiled on the wings.. i was make shift defender and attacking midfield.. my favourite.. i enjoi stealing the ball from the opposition and then planting it at the feet of the attackers to slot it home.. but this time it was me slamming it in since it was a counter.

As talented as these lads are.. they have very sensitive attitudes and almost zero technique.. during opposition goal kicks their backs are still facing the balls and when possession is lost they hardly make an attempt to play defense.. its not their fault, its just habit.. so having me on the pitch theres a repetitive shout of "back bitches!!! BACK!!!" to remind them we gotta win the ball back!

I was subbed out about 3 mins in the second half.. i had no complaints dead tired from a long day.. in came Ali, full of flair and style.. seven mins later we ran out emphatic winner 8-0.. since of the opposition players had a lil pitch fit and walked out on his team mates.. the goals were pretty much raining since we were 5 and them 4 lads on the pitch.. but hey.. not like we aint gna savour the win!

Second match i didnt start.. but i didnt care.. happy to not be on my feet.. and esp. not running around on the pitch.. 1st half over.. score reads 4-3.. yap.. pretty eventful.. we were down 2-0.. managed to take the lead 3-2.. but Mohd's team somehow got back into it..

With about 3 mins to go i was subbed in.. as i took my stride through into the pitch.. ball rolls towards me.. step up slam a beau left legged bullet in.. ive always not been able to happily celebrate an equalizer.. its all or noting for me.. 

Next min.. another loose ball.. another slammer with me left leg.. another goal.. woohoo.. winner for me.. what i didnt kno was God was going to gift the opposition two soft goals for us to eat dirt in the las min..

Although in my defense the decisions were EXTREMELY dodgy.. in the las min, Ahmed was being kicked by the defenders like a black dood being assaulted by the cops.. was just appauling that nothing were fouls.. eventually after knocking out countless shins.. they got their goals.. *shrug* not in our power really..

O well.. another day.. another match.. inevitable blistering, flashy goals.. what can i say.. Superstar.. =)

RR

Pointless..

Kinda have nothing articulate to post.. got futsal in a couple of hours and cant really nap or kill time.. 

I've developed this habit.. prolly gna skid off course, but atleast for the last week.. i have been sleeping by MAX 2AM.. which is a big deal for me.. i sleep by like 8ish [which is when my 1st class starts usually ] and wake up at 4-6ish.. dont know why all of a sudden adaptation of a norm routine, but im sorta enjoying it.. i gotta admit, physically i feel MUCH better.. can plan my day.. not at all lethargic.. got more useful hours whilst the sun is up.. but for what? =\

I caught myself worrying about random things more than once.. twas actually bugging.. my head's so full of skepticism, calculations, stereotypes and assumptions that its bugging me.. its a task thinking about things.. it actually hurts me head.. but then again.. i cant let go of me train of thought now.. can i? 

Dropping a habit of that sort to me is like losing a limb.. literally life changing.. if i did acheive that.. ud see a MUCH brighter version of me.. which is more along the lines of a myth..

A friend of mine just asked me if i was still feeling sorry for myself.. i tot i let that part of me go a long time ago.. ive seen things.. ive lived.. heck.. ive grown.. i know good from bad.. to just give ppl a vivid picture in statement form.. i thank God for everything i have and didnt get and pray this is how its sup. to be.. cos knowing my gloomy and sorrowful nature.. i wouldnt b happy any other way.. innit? =\

Im just a sad person.. waiting to test ppl with my epidemic of negativity and go with the flow of whatever comes my way.. 

RR

Dream #2..

I think this is the second weird dream im posting.. but who's counting rite..?

Anyway.. oready told sum1 this dream.. person couldnt stop laughin whilst i actually felt a lil hurt.. dont even know why.. was just a dream.. and i cant even remember who was there even though when i did first wake up i did remember the.. erm.. "characters".. but now.. like water washing away the paint of a canvas.. im blank!

Wierd Dream #2

[ tis a really weird dream so bear with me reader.. ]

I sat on this sorta bench.. staring at the nothingness that was my scenery.. pleased.. actually happy.. [which is EXTREMELY weird for me.. ] and i see ppl i kno.. they sorta wave and some come up to me and exchange dialogue.. totally irrelevant.. but still.. just tot id mention that..

Then this.. woman.. comes up to me.. and shes talking.. i dont really reconize her.. but i feel this closeness to her.. maybe it was the way she was talking to me.. i couldnt help but be interested.. i could help but.. care.. =\

Shes talking and talking.. her words are hitting me like bullets from the machine gun that is her mouth.. not like shes not giving me a chance to talk.. just that i want to hear more and i just dont feel like interrupting her cos i can see the glee on her face as well.. suddenly.. i smile.. or rather.. my heart's smiling and that smile is portrayed on my face.. the most sincere smile ive ever felt..

Im just looking deep into her eyes and going into this whole other world.. but suddenly.. she stops.. her enthusiasm and happiness deteriorates and is invaded with sorrow and disappointment.. i ask her whats wrong but she just shrugs my questioning off..

We were just sitting on the bench in silence.. and she turned away and looked ahead pondering with the most straight face ive ever seen her showcase. I begged her to tell me if i had done anything or said anything to take her priceless happiness away from her.. but she just delievered a cold and insincere "Nothing.."

She turned to her side, and then she laid back resting her head on my lap.. the guilt was eating me alive.. for even if i hadnt really done anything.. I felt i shouldve done something to stop her from  turning all square and jaded.. i just stroked her head in disappointment in myself..

Dont know how much time had passed.. and how much silence was shared between us.. suddenly this other person comes by and asks me about my long face.. i just go.. "shhhhhhhh.. cant you see she's sleeping..?" the person goes.. "what? ..who you talking about" and i look down to see nothing.. i look to my side of the bench.. and theres nothing.. =\.. what? where'd she go..?

Yaa.. i kinda hated the ending too.. 

Hope every1's ramadhan's going well.. pray and ask dua as much as possible.. inshaAllah it'l all be answered..

Peace..
RR

Slice..

rain rain go away..
come again when i feel more pain..

the ones i love if they'd go away..
i wouldnt want another day..

-Anon

Tu kya aadme hai?

3:05 AM 8/27/2008
I woke up unhappy yearning for her.. throat was parched.. finished a bottle of water and still unsatisfied.. liquid wasnt going to do it.. i needed her..

As i washed up.. i stared in the mirror reminding myself where i was going and what i had to do to make her mine.. quickly got ready and made sure i would be as glee as she would be when she was close to me.. much closer..

i made my way to the place i knew she'd be.. collided into many people i knew but briskly walked by telling them my agenda they just smiled and waved me off.. i began to walk more confident and more purposefully i realized even talking about her made me more happy..

It had been a while since our paths crossed and i yearned to be with her.. to spend the short time we do as usual, alone on our table.. just her and i..
I made it.. looked around with a cocktail of emotions.. anxiety.. nervousness.. excitement.. i felt it all.. then it dawned upon me.. she wasnt there.. again..

How could this be possible.. again?! I went on one by one.. then in denial.. took a step back and let my eyes do the work.. ppl rubbernecked at the state i was in.. subconciously i could feel my fists clench and raise slowly by my side..

I felt my stomach empty even further.. losin feeling in my legs.. random thoughts ran through my head.. what was i going to do now.. i dont think im going to last another day..



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HOW COULD THEY NOT HAVE MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP AGAIN?!
BASTARD BASKIN ROBBINS!! STOCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!

Waa...?

8:34 PM 8/5/2008
Hey.. yaa.. ive been MIA for some time.. theres been a lot happening.. ppl flying out for hols.. ppl leaving for gud.. well.. thats life here i guess..

Mostly though, im js a mess about my papers which i did in June, until i get the results, which is on the 18th of this month, i wont sleep properly. Ppl keep saying dont wory, it doesnt help, blah di blah.. doesnt help.. and doesnt add up to any sorta compensation cos my ACCA hangs in the balance, if i fail ANYTHING i gta go back to CAT to just do that 1 paper and drop all my ACCA papers, and for once even though its hell, i feel like im moving in some sorta direction.

FAK.. thinking about moving in a direction, got an F5 class tomm, and prob with that is im stuck with 1 of the worst lecturers EVER and since i dont really know any1 in the class, its like going for some 2nd language class.. nothing EVER makes sense and every1's pretty zombie like in me class so dont really feel like.. err.. socializing? is that the word? =\

Saad left a couple of days ago.. no real ache with that.. he did more damage than good.. sad to say but completely true.. only thing he left was a HUGE has debt, when broken down involves about 5 different ppl including myself for about 300 bucks respectively..

Watched every freaking thing going on in the cinema, its the whole thing of trying to be in denial about the results, every1's trying to numb feelings of dread and tension.. its sorta helping.. but soon after the publication of the results theres progress tests so its a lose-lose situation if we aint cramming.

Premiership gna start soon.. transfers have been insane ensuring an interesting season, being an Arsenal fan, I dont see a strong title challenge cos we lost our Bulldog, Flamini and our artist Hleb and ended up with soft but potentially good buys, with reference to Nasri and Ramsey, but still.. no raw strength.

Hmm.. wa else wa else.. notin really.. everythin sorta moving in a blurry bullet time.. and life's making it easier to get bitter with every passing day.. =).. yap.. i say it with a smile.. anyway.. ill go now.. maybe start posting sooner.. cya..

Peace..RR
8:45 PM 8/5/2008